


Of Guns and Tragedy

by rainbowdots888



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Bad Boys, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Drama, Eventual Romance, Friendship, Gang Violence, Introspection, Loyalty, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-03-04 09:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13361715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowdots888/pseuds/rainbowdots888
Summary: Ohkura is a gunman who fancies drama lessons. His boss wants some people dead, so he kills them. It's as simple as an order from Murakami-sama. Until the day he fails because of someone, someone he's very curious about.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> New multi-chapter! I hope you'll enjoy reading!  
> Please note that in this story, Yoko, Hina and Subaru are at least ten years older than the other main characters.  
> Ohkura's POV all along.

The steam coming out of the cooling towers around me is like the thickest fog ever seen in London for my tired eyes. My target is only a few floors below, smoking on a balcony surrounded by his men and still, I can't make him out enough to pull the trigger.

 

Five seconds would be enough. Only five. But today is particularly cold and the steam keeps coming out. At least I'm invisible, but my forefinger is freezing on the trigger and my limbs start going numb. Ten more minutes and I'll give up. I can find another window of opportunity tomorrow, next week maybe...

 

Suddenly, the cooling towers stop their purring sound and the steam dissipates. The sky is clear again and even if I can be seen now – only if one of those men I want dead looked up for a second–, it's the moment I've been waiting for.

 

I aim at the smallest man on this balcony, a tiny but deadly human being, people told me, steady my trembling hands and take a deep breath. I'm about to shoot him right through the head. He's oblivious of my presence, he's even laughing with his right-hand man, and I feel in me the excitement of the hunter still ignored by his prey, this pleasure that makes me vibrate every time I'm about to do something I deem right.

 

It's the first time I see them so well thanks to the telescopic sight of my heavy weapon so I take my time to detail every feature, every tiny mannerism, in case of a future mission involving their death. The right-hand man is honestly one of the finest young man I've ever seen. One I could abandon my usually straight habits for. Black hair, manly features but alluring mouth, a thin frame and furrowed eyebrows for a charming everything. Too bad he's as deadly as his boss, this one. He has quite a reputation as a gunman and I wouldn't want to face him in a duel. For something else... Well... Maybe.

 

The third guy is also pretty to say the least, but way too girly for my tastes.

 

What I love in men is what I can't find in women.

 

I shouldn't think of them this way, alright. They're dead meat, most likely, now that my forefinger is slowly pulling the trigger. I stop breathing, I stop trembling. All my being is solely focused on the small man's head and the fulfiling feeling of completing the mission I've been given. Murakami-sama wants him dead, so be it.

 

Just when I hear the click of my weapon, the right-hand man looks up and sees me. Shit. He has enough time to push his boss out of the way and my bullet goes straight into the window behind them making it explode with a deafening noise.

 

I have to leave, damn him. Fuck.

 

I stand up and hurriedly put the still steaming gun into its case. They're pointing at me from their balcony, but they can't see my features, of this I'm certain, given that the cooling towers have started working again, and I disappear like a mysterious and vengeful super-hero in the middle of the white steam.

 

That beautiful guy, _Him_. He made me fail and I hate that. I'll find a way, one day. I'll find him and he'll pay with his life for what he has done today.

 

****************  
  
“So Ohkura, is it done?”

 

Murakami-sama does not suffer fools gladly. I should answer yes, even if it's a no. But I owe him everything, he deserves that I dare to honestly confess my failure.

 

“No. He's got body guards. They're quite efficient...”

 

He's looking at me with the eyes of a disappointed but understanding father. His cigarillo's ashes are falling on the silky lapel of his favorite dark purple costume and I watch, fascinated, his hand brushing them off like he brushes off lives for a living.

 

“Alright, I suppose it can't be helped.”

 

“I'll find those men, Boss. I'll get rid of them.” I'm trying hard not to cry out of frustration, not to acknowledge all the other guys' satisfied smiles.

 

“I know you will, Son. But do it quickly. We're on the verge of losing our territories... And how will I protect you all and your families if they kill me first, hm?”

 

He has this condescending voice I usually dread now, but his smile is warm, so warm I wish he were my real father. The smile that makes me wish he'd call me 'son' because I'd be, truly, his heir. Murakami-sama walks to me in the deafening silence he imposes on his minions and ruffles my hair with a tender hand.

 

“I know you'll find them, Son. You're my best shot. I want Shibutani's head on my desk, and I know you will bring it to me. Because you don't want to disappoint your benefactor, right?”

 

“I will, Boss. Trust me.”

 

“Alright. Very good. I'll be off for a few days. Mother is unwell, I'll be out of the city so I'll leave it in your hands. Don't forget to feed the dogs,” He amusedly says while pointing at the men following him everywhere like panicked chihuahuas. “You're the one in charge as long as I'm not here. Alright. Dismissed, you all!”

 

At his last word all the men present in the room hurriedly leave, way too afraid to ignore an order from Murakami-sama. I take my time, though. I'm the one in charge, he's said, at least for a few days.

 

I'm about to close the door behind me when the boss calls me back.

 

“Ohkura? Are you still going to your drama lessons?”

 

I re-open the door slowly and smile. I like that he seems to be interested in my private life, in who I truly am when I'm not killing people for him.

 

“Yes, Boss. We're working on Shakespeare's tragedies right now. Macbeth.”

 

“Ah. Nice, very nice, Son... I love Shakespeare... Yes.”

 

There's a long silence as he looks through the stained glass of the windows, most likely losing himself deep in thoughts. I feel that it's time for me to leave.

 

“I'm taking my leave, Boss.”

 

“Yes. Yes...” He murmurs, still absorbed by the intricate designs the raindrops are forming as they hit the colored glass.

 

I close the door and my eyelids. Silence. Peace.

 

He'll be proud of me, one day.

 

*****************  
  
We're only a handful of students tonight in the local community theater, listening to our teacher. He has been a great actor, some of them say. He has even played, sung and danced on stage at the Tokyo Globe before teaching here. Unknown to them is the reason why he's now, here with us, though, instead of living a celebrity life elsewhere.

 

He has a mysterious aura in their eyes, people who ignore who I really am.

 

Yokoyama sensei is Murakami-sama's 'special' friend. At work, the legend has it that the Boss has saved his life once when they were young. I think they're just very close and that the dumb scumbags working for him just can't understand feelings, even less romanticism.

 

Do I even understand that kind of feelings? I wonder.

 

“Ohkura! Are you with us?” Yokoyama snaps his fingers in front of my eyes and brings me back on earth. We are reading excerpts of Macbeth and he can't suffer his students spacing out while those 'treasures of human culture' are being explained. “Start again where you stopped. Try to be a little convincing. Go on, you can do it,” He winks.

 

I guess this is exactly what Murakami-sama likes in him. This elegant contempt blended with a tad of friendliness... as well as his overall cold beauty that makes all the ladies in the room head over heels for him.

 

I look at the page he's given me earlier and for a sentence I'd like to read. A verse I'd like to hear said with my too deep and clumsy voice.

 

“... _Life's... but a walking shadow, a poor player_

_That struts and frets his hour upon the stage_

_And then is heard no more. It is a tale_

_Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,_

_Signifying nothing._ ”

 

“Alright. That was awful. Do you understand what he mea...”

 

The door opens with a squeaky sound just when my teacher is about to start his usual soliloquy about the hollowness of Macbeth's ambition and that deus ex machina saves us all from boredom. The secretary enters, followed by a young man...

 

 _Him_.

 

My heart jumps out of my chest. I don't know if it's out of fear or excitement but I'm burning and my eyes are jumping from him to my sports bag in which my favorite Glock is hidden. It's way out of reach. If he's here to...

 

“Nishikido-san is a new student, everyone. This young man wanted to join the advanced course with you all, he's just moved to Tokyo. We hope you'll welcome him warmly.” The secretary says, all sweet and grandma-like, ignoring she has one of the most dangerous killers of the city right next to her.

 

… Ignoring she has _two_ of the deadliest gunmen in the city in the room with her, both disguised as perfectly charming and normal young fellas.

 

“Hi everyone... I... well, I'm a little shy and... I really believe drama lessons can help me with that. And I'd love to meet new friends while doing so.”

 

Lies... So many lies in one sentence.

 

He bows deeply, his dark hair falling before his eyes. He looks harmless, really. A little nerdy, maybe, with his old-fashioned glasses and his timid mustache. It's him, though. I can't be mistaken, I'd identify his alluring mouth and bottomless dark eyes anywhere.

 

He looks at me for a split second and nothing weird happens, he just bows again and smiles.

 

I guess they really couldn't see me, up there, in the steam, before I fled. It seems like he doesn't know me, yet. Thankfully. I start breathing again and introduce myself, politely.

 

Nishikido smiles, it's beautiful. My heart jumps again in my chest, and this time, it's not fear that I feel. It's a feeling I do not understand, like many others.

 

Yokoyama sensei gives the newbie a paper with Macbeth's words printed on it.

 

“So, let's start, then... Before you came in... Nishikido-san, our student here was giving us his best, or should I say _worst_ , rendition of Shakespeare's genius lines, right, Ohkura-san?”

 

The other students chuckle so I force a smile. I'm trying my best not to run away from this room now that his dark stare is on me, now that I feel like he's stripping me naked just with his smile, now that I feel like _I am_ the trapped prey.

 

I take a deep breath.

 

“Life, hm... _Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player...”_

 

My voice vibrates a little but the beautiful lines sound better, way better than before.

 

As usual, Danger is my best fuel.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is here quite fast, as I wrote 1 and 2 together. This one needed a bit of editing, but it's ready now ;-) I hope you'll enjoy!

The kettle is whistling on the stove and I have trouble focusing on my book. I'm reading Macbeth again, I want to fully understand what makes Yokoyama sensei so excited when he talks about Shakespeare.

 

There's something Shakespearian in my situation, he would say, some kind of forbidden feelings involved. If only he knew who Nishikido is.

 

He's come back to the lesson, thrice a week, nine times. He's quite good at acting, not shy at all when on stage.

 

I'm terribly attracted to him. It's the conclusion I've come to and it does not help me. Every single smile, every embarrassed sound his voice is producing when he becomes all reserved, every look at me makes me boil inside. I've tried ignoring the signs, I've really tried my best.

 

During the day I trail him and his friends, I write down all their doings, compile all the facts. I told Murakami-sama they are on something big and that we should observe them for a while before doing anything bold. I'm not sure if he believed me... I'm not sure of what he knows exactly about me. Sometimes it seems like he's reading through my mind as if he knew precisely what's going on in my heart and it scares me a little.

 

I don't want him to see the things I imagine when I'm alone at home and I'm thinking about Ryo.

 

It's his first name, he told me to call him this way because now, we're friends.

 

So I do call him like this, and with a smile. I'm ashamed of it, to be honest, and I fear the day I won't be able to control my words nor my stupid smile when someone will bring the topic to the table.

 

The worst in all this is that Ryo seems genuinely attracted to me as well. We've talked a little during our lessons and a lot after. We went to bars and restaurants. We told each other a bunch of enormous lies and drowned them in beers together.

 

 _I work with my brother, for our family's company,_ he's said.

 

Lies.

 

_I'm very clumsy and I don't have many friends._

 

Lies.

 

_I like being with Ohkura-kun._

 

Lies? I'm not sure.

 

My eyes are tired again so I put my book down. I forgot the kettle, it has stopped whistling long ago.

 

What am I going to do?

 

****************  
  
Murakami-sama's office is smoky, as usual, but perfectly clean. The edgy choices in furniture, the works of art hanging on the walls, everything is made to impress the visitor. I guess Yokoyama sensei had a word in all this, it's clearly his own taste that's all over the place here.

 

They're both sitting around the coffee table, in the office, discussing private matters in hushed tones. They're laughing lightly at something and my teacher brushes the top of Murakami-sama's hand with his long fingers. He's the first one to see me coming in and waves at me.

 

“Ah! Ohkura-kun, come with us for a little bit. How about you tell your boss how much you've improved recently...”

 

“Oh, did he?” Murakami-sama asks with a hint of curiosity in his voice. “You used to be a poor actor if I remember the last time I got to see everyone on stage.”

 

I smile shyly and take a seat in front of them, not quite sure of why they've asked me to come.

 

“Well, he's got a beautiful voice, this one. He can act, he's just a tad too shy. But since Nishikido arrived, he's transformed.”

 

“Who's that?”

 

I clench the silky fabric of my jacket, I must be sweating so much... They can't ignore my trouble.

 

“A very nice guy, he arrived about a month ago. A little nerdy, but quite sexy, right, Ohkura? I'm sure there's something going on...”

 

I hate this, I know I'm transforming into a tomato and I want to run away, retrieve my guns, disassemble and reassemble them repeatedly, in order to calm myself down. Instead, I just nod.

 

“Oh, I see.” Murakami-sama seems to be thinking, way too much for such a pointless information. “Did you two... Well, you see...”

 

“No Boss, we didn't...”

 

“Not yet.” Yokoyama adds mischievously.

 

God, I hate him right now. I want to throw my teacher out of the window with all his assumptions and his favorite Macbeth's copy stuffed in his blabbering mouth. I just nod, again, at a loss.

 

“Stop teasing the boy, seriously. Look at him, he's so red he could melt.” My boss chuckles. “It's okay, Son. You can fuck around if you like to. As long as the work is done... Don't let this guy make a weakling of you, that's all.”

 

I bow curtly. In the end, I'm not that glad Murakami-sama is keeping himself updated on my private life.

 

“I've called you to discuss another matter, though,” he continues. “I have to leave Tokyo for a while and I want you by my side. This Nishisomething will have to wait for you... we have to deal with a mutiny in Sapporo. Some guys I'd put in charge there are trying to overthrow me. I want this matter solved quickly, I guess Tokyo can wait for a bit.”

 

How come I don't feel honored? How come I'm just saying 'yes' automatically without experiencing the usual butterflies in my stomach every time the boss shows how much he trusts me?

 

“We're leaving at once, go fetch a few clothes and your guns. Our driver is already waiting downstairs.”

 

I stand and smooth my crumpled suit with sweaty hands. I know I won't see _him_ for days. I know he'll wonder why I'm not at our drama lesson.

 

“Don't worry, I'll tell him you got to go overseas for work. You'll just have to lie to him when you'll come back. But I reckon that you know very well how to lie...” Yokoyama amusedly whispers in my ear when the boss has left. There's something shady in his voice, something that embarrasses me. He walks away slowly, straightening up a frame on the wall as he goes. It's the first time I see him as a potential threat.

 

My drama teacher is far from being the innocent one in the weird couple he forms with Murakami-sama. He may be the most dangerous, even.

 

****************  
  
Ten days. We've been off to Sapporo for ten long days.

 

We negotiated hard, up there, in the north, where the hearts of the gangsters are as cold as their streets in winter. And when negotiation was over we had to get rid of the rebels, storm their headquarters and 'have a clear-out' as the boss says.

 

I'm back but I hurt all over. Some huge guy managed to strike me some blows before I could shoot him down and I have bruises all over my stomach. Murakami-sama is alive, I could protect him. He has been like a father to me during those ten days, we talked a lot, of nothing in particular, but everything seems clearer than ever in my head. I have to tell Ryo I'm not interested. I have to kill Shibutani for the Boss and make Ryo watch his demise.

 

Tonight, I'm going to tell them I'm not interested anymore in drama lessons and I'll quit, it's for the better.

 

I won't be like Macbeth. My ambitions are clear and even if I have to kill to get what I want, ghosts of the past won't haunt me. I won't be devoured by madness because I know who I am.

 

I am Murakami-sama's heir.

 

****************  
  
It's been a while since I arrived in front of the theatre. No one is here when it's way past the hour of the lesson. The streets are silent, dead, very cold. I'm checking the date on my watch twice, it's Wednesday, everyone should be inside already.

 

I can hear steps behind the corner and just when I think Yokoyama is going to appear, it's Ryo instead who walks around and stops just in front of me, smiling.

 

“I don't know why, but I felt you would be here tonight.” He says sheepishly. He's incredibly cute, covered from his shoulders to his cheeks with a huge plaid scarf. I'm at a loss, again.

 

Someone walks past us hurriedly, it's way too cold to be standing in the streets, after all. Ryo's eyes are curious, I guess he's wondering why I'm still silent.

 

“I... Is it cancelled?” I finally ask.

 

“Yeah... Yokoyama sensei called in sick.”

 

“Oh.”

 

It's awkward, I hadn't planned to see him alone, like this. My resolutions are melting one after another in front of his embarrassed smile.

 

“I came here just in case. I thought that if you came back tonight, you wouldn't know about... Well. You see.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“So how was your business trip?”

 

“Cold?”

 

“Colder than here?”

 

“Yes. A lot colder. And you were not there.”

 

Why did I say that? Why? I couldn't stop myself and now he's blushing.

 

“Yeah... I missed you too.” Ryo is looking at his feet, his hands hidden in his pockets. I swear this moment feels like we are in a romantic TV drama and the situation is so weird that I start laughing in spite of myself. “Don't laugh, hey... It's weird enough that I feel like this for someone I barely know. It's not like me.”

 

“Sorry.” My hand reaches for his forearm and I enjoy the warmth of his body on the tip of my fingers.

 

I'm so confused. I want him so badly.

 

And the second after, I feel the need to kill him, to end all this. I can feel he's torn as well, but not for the same reasons. He still doesn't know who I am. He's oblivious to all the hours I spent following him and Shibutani, all the times I almost pulled the trigger to kill his boss. Almost.

 

“Would you like to have a drink?” Ryo asks, and I want to say yes, of course, a drink and way more...

 

“No, thanks... I'd better go home. I'm a little tired.”

 

“Hm. Okay. Next time, then.”

 

“Sure.”

 

I take a few steps backwards, I need to put distance between us right now. He looks at me and smiles. Ryo grabs my sleeve all of a sudden and I'm dragged to the nearest narrow alley, running along the theatre. I'm confused for a second, I fear for my life even, but quickly I'm pushed against the brick wall and his mouth is on mine. He kisses me as if he were going to die tomorrow, he does not give me an opportunity to breathe, I'm just overwhelmed by the moment, by the taste of him and the sensation of his hands, firm on my hips.

 

It's too much, I could cry if it were not for the cold wind freezing my tears and my bruises hurting under the tip of his caressing fingers. He's warm and alive and he moans deliciously every time I let my tongue play with his. My hands go up and I hold his head, I thread my fingers through his luscious black hair to keep him there, with me. I could wring his neck right now, I could reach for the Glock in my backpack and take advantage of the situation but the sensation of his lips kissing my jaw, of his hands sensually sliding on the small of my back, all this is so heavenly I can't function anymore.

 

He breaks the kiss, slowly, letting his lips linger against mine. I steal another peck, I already miss him.

 

“ _Thus, with a kiss, I die..._ ” He whispers against my neck, softly, so softy I almost miss it.

 

“Sorry?”

 

He chuckles.

 

“Nothing... We've started studying _Romeo and Juliet,_ that's all _._ ”

 

He takes a step back and lets my hands go. He's biting his lower lip and there's nothing on earth prettier than him right now.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow for the lesson, then, Ohkura-kun.”

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Earlier this morning, someone has called at the headquarters. An altered voice has said, with very few words, that Murakami-sama had to meet with his destiny today, at eleven. And he had to meet it alone, at a waste ground fifteen kilometers away from downtown Tokyo.

 

I honestly thought he wouldn't even pay attention to this provocative trap. But he did. He decided to go despite the argument he had with Yokoyama sensei about it and despite my own opinion. I'm sure Shibutani is behind all this, it's a trap, definitely. My boss is fearless.

 

He has asked me to stay hidden at the back of the car, behind the tinted windows, with a gun ready to fire if needed. I'm on a knife-edge, what if Ryo is here, what if today, his mission is to kill Murakami-sama? Last night, we've kissed and I couldn't sleep after that. I could still feel his lips on mine, a ghostly sensation that has brought me to the very limits of my sanity, crying and laughing at the same time, searching for his name when I finally came just by thinking of his soft hands on my lower back.

 

It's exactly eleven when our car enters the waste ground and there's already a black limo parked in the middle of it, waiting for us. Murakami-sama leaves our vehicle silently, with dignity, winking at me, trying to reassure my poor heart.

 

I fear for him, that's a given. But I also fear for Ryo. My biggest fear is actually to see him killed by the hands of someone else than me.

 

The other car's doors open and Shibutani comes out, followed by his bodyguards, that blonde and tiny dude I'd seen with him on the balcony and of course, the last person I wanted to see today, Ryo, his hair slicked back. He looks so different but his gorgeous mouth is still the very same. His beautiful and smooth skin hypnotizes me, I want to open the door, grab his hand and run away. But I'm just cowardly hiding behind the tinted window, this thin glass protection is the only wall between us and tragedy.

 

He lights a cigarette up. Murakami-sama looks at him. Thankfully he doesn't know his name. Thankfully.

 

They exchange a few words, it's tense, I'm suffocating in the backseat all the while. I want to leave, it feels like there will be blood this morning.

 

“What are you doing here?” Shibutani asks the Boss. He seems genuinely surprised to see him here.

 

“You asked me to come. I'm no coward, I'm here. What do you want of me?”

 

“Nothing... yet. Someone called and asked us to come as well.”

 

“What?”

 

Those mighty crime bosses are at a loss. Someone has trapped them, someone who knows about their rivalry, enough to bring us all into his spider web.

 

Panicked, I start looking around for something weird, a reflection that shouldn't be here, a strange shadow on a roof, anything that would reveal a sniper, or several of them, targeting us.

 

Shibutani clicks his tongue and shows the car in which I am hidden with a nod.

 

“Check his car.” He says to Ryo. I bite my lower lip hard to remain focused. Ryo's walking slowly to the door and Murakami-sama watches him reach for the handle with a worried eye.

 

My hands are sweaty, I'm crouching in the gap between the seats, holding my rifle against my cheek. I shake, I feel the need to throw up. The time is suspended to Ryo's hand, to his concentrated frown. He will open the door and see me. His frown will fall, his lopsided smile will disappear. I will pull the trigger and the last thing he'll see is me, the one he's so eagerly kissed a few hours ago, bringing him his death.

 

The door unlocks with a clank... followed by an explosion. Someone is firing a gun, emptying his barrel on us, showering the scene with bullets and suddenly Ryo plunges down, vanishes behind the plain part of the door. It's slightly opened, but not enough for him to see who's inside. Instead, he's crawling back to his boss, trying to shelter him with his body.

 

Murakami-sama jumps back in the car and starts the engine. We surge forward roaring and I sit back on the backseats in haste. Our windshield explodes. I turn around in order to get a glimpse of the scene before we leave. Ryo seems to be almost back in their car, he's limping but he's alive.

 

He throws a last glance at us just when we turn the corner. He hasn't seen me. He doesn't know.

 

This morning, a text was waiting for me to wake up.

 

“ _I'd like to see you after the lesson. 8:00pm. At my place.”_

 

I know that I'm going to go, I know it.

 

I know that he's made me his, just with a kiss.

 

****************

 

Ryo isn't at the lesson. He has excused himself with a text sent to Yokoyama sensei.

 

My teacher is in a terrible mood, he has feared for his lover's life all morning and even though we've come back unscathed, he knows how close we've been to death. We're rehearsing scenes from Romeo and Juliet and as usual with Shakespeare, he lets his anger explode when one of the students misses a line. Everyone remains silent, shocked by such a behavior from a man who's usually very calm.

 

“Ohkura, start again. Mercutio's line. I'll read Tybalt as Nishikido's not here.”

 

“ _And but one word with one of us? Couple it with something. Make it a word and a blow.”_ I read, trying to act as well as I can. But without Ryo, I know that I'm kind of useless.

 

He takes a deep breath, he obviously wants to be somewhere else, very far from here, next to Murakami-sama.

 

“ _You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, and you will give me occasion_.” He answers, not even reading his lines. He knows the play by heart, I assume.

 

“ _Could you not take some occasion... without... giving?_ ”

 

“Ohkura! It's awful!!! What are you thinking about?” My teacher screams all of a sudden, startling everyone. I put the book down and look at him with the blankest gaze I can manage. I know he resents me for not having killed everyone to protect the Boss this morning. He thinks I'm a coward and unleashes his wrath on me right now, as he keeps describing my poor performance with rage.

 

It's too much, I can't anymore with him and the lesson tonight, I need to escape. So I calmly stand and grab my bag.

 

“What are you doing?! I didn't give you permission to leave!” He shouts out.

 

I turn around and look at him, he's disheveled and red from anger.

 

“You're not my boss, Sensei. I'm free to leave whenever I feel like it.”

 

Yokoyama's eyes have never been darker. I know he will talk about that to Murakami-sama. I don't care anymore.

 

I turn heels and leave the room under the dismayed eyes of everyone. I'm going to Ryo's. I need to see him.

 

****************  
  
It's not even eight when I ring his bell, but as soon as my finger leaves the button, he opens the door as if he has been waiting for it all afternoon.

 

It startles me a little. Also, I can't help but notice the bandage wrapped around his right ankle and his perfect naked torso.

 

“Are you alright?” I ask tentatively. “You missed the lesson...”

 

“Well, you left before the end, obviously...” I love this lopsided smile he has while taking a limping step back to let me in.

 

“Yeah... It's complicated. Is your foot okay? What happened?”

 

I really hope I'm being a better actor than a few minutes ago at the theater. Ryo has been shot at the waste ground and he's most likely spent all his day at the hospital. I feel so bad lying to him but I can't tell the truth, I can't. He'd kill me. Or worse, he'd hate me.

 

“Mh? Nothing, don't worry. I fell down the stairs.”

 

He's lying so well. I'm kind of envious of his talent at telling lies as if they were the truth. His hand goes up and he caresses my cheek. His thumb runs along the line of my lower lip, I'm hypnotized again, powerless.

 

Ryo pushes me against his wall and we're kissing again, like we did in the street yesterday, except we're home, just the two of us. There's electricity in the air, a tension that makes us both breathless. I dare to finally touch his stomach, tracing with my fingers the elegant lines of his muscles until he's completely in my arms, pressed against me, moaning in our endless kiss.

 

He unbuttons my shirt and starts kissing my collarbone. His hands are now on my waist, boldly touching the bruises I got in Sapporo. I wince at the pain, they're still a deep purple color and it surprises him a little.

 

“I'm sorry... Did I hurt you?” He whispers in his husky voice. Ryo has a good look at my bruises and looks up at me.

 

“No, it's okay, really.” I had forgotten about them. I have to find an excuse, I have to lie again.

 

“What...”

 

“Nothing. I'm in the boxing club at work... My coworker went a bit overboard...”

 

Ryo looks again at my stomach and presses a kiss on the darkest marks.

 

“If I ever meet this guy, I'll kick his ass.”

 

I laugh. He's incredibly cute, he can't be the man I've seen this morning at the waste ground.

 

“Ohkura... If I've asked you to come here tonight...It's because... I... I want you.”

 

“I'd guessed that much, yeah...”

 

For once, he's telling the truth, the bulge in his pants and his feverish eyes are giving it out. I kiss him hungrily. I want to forget everything around. I want to live this night like a dream, far from who we are for real, far from our work and our duties.

 

“I want you too.” My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. “Fuck me, Ryo. I want to be yours, utterly.”

 

He's not waiting for one more second and drags me to his bedroom like he's dragged me into the alley twenty-four hours ago. Nothing in the world right now is more important than his hand in mine and the way he strips me naked slowly, not even Murakami-sama.

 

He's naked as well when he climbs over me on the bed, kissing my sensitive skin, tenderly biting my nipples. I could come on this only, I'm sure, but he has other plans for us and takes a condom and lube out of nowhere, suddenly. I'm not even surprised he's prepared everything, my heart is beating so hard when his fingers are tenderly entering me. I haven't been with a man in a long time and it drives me crazy in a few seconds, this bold and sudden invasion of my intimacy, along with his sensual mouth lingering on my heart, my stomach and the curve of my hips.

 

I can't wait anymore, I need him to possess me, but I'm no submissive lover. So I topple him and straddle his hips, under his delighted gaze. He's biting his lips in anticipation and grabs my thighs, steadying us both. I feel like I'm his king as I put the condom on him with the most tender caresses I know. His eyes are not lying, they're so pure, so beautiful.

 

It's a wild moan that escapes my throat when I finally lower myself on his cock, my hands clenching his own, still holding my legs. He's thick, hard, warm, perfect and he moans as well under me, thrusting up to make our hips clash together.

 

He's so vocal, a litany of dirty words is coming out of his mouth, and it clashes so violently with the shy boy image he's tried to build for weeks. This moment is everything, I finally glimpse the real him, the wild but loving man, the lion hiding behind the kitten. So I'm giving my best as well, I want Ryo to feel so good he'll lose his memory, forget about gangs and violence and make me his every day, far from Tokyo and all the drama.

 

“Oh, Ohkura...” He cries, shaking. His hands go up to my own hardness and with a few skilled caresses lead me to ecstasy just a second before he comes as well with an exhausted moan. It's dark in the room, we can't see each other anymore but our hands are finding all the right places, our mouths meet and we languorously kiss again, the darkness around magnifying the sensations.

 

We do not say a word after that, he's just snuggling into my arms and rests his head against my sweaty chest.

 

He's so tiny, so defenseless right now I could... I'm overwhelmed by emotions, tears are rolling on my cheeks as I experience the backlash of our powerful lovemaking. He's fallen asleep by now, I could suffocate him, I could end his life without sufferings. I tighten our embrace, I feel his bones slightly shifting under my muscles, it seems so easy, so...

 

His right hand reflexively caress my hip and settles on my lower back, tender. Loving.

 

I can't do it. I'm in love.

 

****************  
  
I wake up to Ryo's weight on my stomach. He straddles me slowly, as if he didn't want to wake me up. I keep my eyes closed, I want the dream to last a little longer, my hands caress his thighs and I smile.

 

Something cold and hard is pressed against my temple.

 

I hear a click.

 

I open my eyes.

 

He's looking at me, crying. The gun in his right hand shakes a bit but it's still firmly pushed against my skull.

 

“I have to do it,” he says, “I have to.”

 

“So... Do it.” I sound surprisingly calm.

 

“I'm not on a mission, you know... But you almost killed my brother. It's a family business we have...” He starts justifying himself. My hands are still on his thighs, I can't let go, I'm paralyzed. “I've researched you. I'm not a fool. You've killed your share of people, you're a heartless killer.”

“So are you...” How come I can speak, given my muscles are completely frozen by the fear?

 

“Shut up! You're dangerous, a beast. So don't even try moving me.”  
  
"I'm not even trying," I snort. "You're crying, Ryo."  
  


He sniffs and brushes his wet eyes with the back of his hand.

 

“ _These violent delights have violent ends  
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder..._” Ryo whispers, trembling.

 

“ _... Which, as they kiss, consume._ ”

 

I tenderly smile at my death.

 


	4. Chapter 4

We've been staring at each other for centuries, or so it seems to me. It's silent in the bedroom, the gun is still there, way too close to my head for me to forget it. I try to convey many things through my eyes, a mess of feelings and fears that I hope will reach him before he pulls the trigger.

 

He still hasn't. He's biting his lips, he frowns, fights with himself and his own certainty. He doubts.

 

I let the hands that have been resting all this time on his thighs climb very slowly toward his hips. He doesn't seem to notice, he's like a ghost holding a gun. My palms are now on the timid curves of his hips and he finally lowers his eyes, turns his head until he can see them grazing the soft skin of his thin waist. He's released the tension in his right hand and the gun falls with a tiny thump on the mattress. It's now or never for me. If I want to live, if I want him to love me.

 

It takes just a second, a mere impulsion of my own hips and I knock him down on the bed, covering his entire body with my way larger one. He looks surprised but not that much, it's like he's been waiting for me to act. I lean in and peck his lips. When nothing happens, nothing dangerous at least, I start nibbling on his lower lip and finally kiss him fully.

 

Ryo's answering to the kiss hungrily. My victory is complete when I feel both his hands on my nape and in my hair, his nails grazing the sensitive spot with faith. I press my hips against his own, he moans and locks his legs around me, making me his loving prisoner.

 

With one hand I send the Glock still laying next to us on the floor, far from his grip.

 

“Are you going to try killing me again?” I whisper against his jaw. I feel the soft skin of his stomach against mine, electric and sensitive. He's breathing hard.

 

“No... I'm sorry, I... I'm so confused...”

 

“Ryo...” My fingers brush his temple. I'd give him my life, I feel so many things at the same time and none of these things is resentment for what he has just done. “... Don't be sorry. We'll have many occasions to be sorry, later, when our lives will turn to chaos. For now, let me love you.”

 

“Yes.” He says in a breath. There's no hesitation anymore in his eyes, it's the naked truth I see in those bottomless dark orbs, and the truth is beautiful for once. He steals a kiss from me and sighs. He's been made just for me, I'm sure, and once again my heart tells me I'm right to keep trying with him.

 

I make love to him, slow and passionate, enjoying every little cry coming out of his throat, every single caress his trembling hands are giving to my lower back. He's telling me that he regrets, that he's fallen in love from the start. That he's so confused that he can't sleep anymore at night.

 

I could sleep, earlier, in your arms, finally, he whispers before throwing his head back in pleasure as I gently bite his neck.

 

His voice is so beautiful, his skin so warm and his body so reactive, I'm melting inside, crazy about him, entirely.

 

He comes with a whimper and before releasing me from his embrace tells me how much he feels for me, again. How much we're doomed and how much he doesn't care if he dies as long as we die together.

 

****************

Ryo is sitting on one of his bar stools sipping a steaming green tea. He has put sweatpants on but his chest is still naked, it seems like it's his favorite way to be. I've just woken up for the second time today and this time, without a gun pressed against my temple. The Glock has vanished, I guess he has put it back in its holster, hanging in the eyes of the world on the lamp of his living room.

 

“You have a heavy sleep.” He notes, with his custom frown.

 

“Yeah, one of my many qualities...”

 

He laughs.

 

“Do you want to drink something?”

 

“A coffee maybe?”

 

“I don't have coffee here. Coffee sucks.”

 

It's my turn to laugh. I'd pictured him as a heavy coffee drinker, and it seems like he's more theine than caffeine.

 

“Alright. Tea will do.”

 

I walk to him and find my place between his bent knees to kiss his tea flavored lips. He lets me and smiles.

 

We're having the most casual first morning together as if nothing has happened as if he hasn't tried to kill me, as if I have never thought about killing him. It's weird but I love it. I take the steaming mug he's handing me and sit on the nearest stool. One question is burning my lips, more than the hot beverage and I feel it's the moment to ask.

 

“So... Shibutani... He's your brother?”

 

“Yes. My big bro. We have the same mom.”

 

“And how is it, working for the family?”

 

“Stressful. Unfair. He's not the easiest person on earth... But I love him, he's my blood. How about you? Why Murakami?”

 

“He's saved my life, he's made me who I am.”

 

“That ice block?” Ryo snickers. He brushes my cheek with the back of his hand. “How come you've grown so hot, then?”

 

“He's not insensitive, I wish he were my real dad. Murakami-sama was the only one here for me when my father beat me up every day just for fun. I owe him my life...”

 

Somehow, I feel that he understands, what I mean. Ryo looks down, he doesn't dare to argue.

 

“You were in the car, yesterday, right?”

 

“I was. I could have killed you... One more second and...”

 

“But thankfully some asshole had decided he would shoot us all.” He frowns at the pain in his ankle, suddenly remembering he's been shot for real.

 

“Do you have any idea of who...?”

 

“No... But I have to find that bastard. Subaru has been shot as well, the shoulder.” Ryo shows the top of his arm with a fleeting movement of fingers. “He's alright but I feel like I failed to protect him.”

 

“But you actually saved his life more than once.”

 

“Shh. Don't bring the fact you tried to kill us countless times to the table, seriously.”

 

We laugh, again, together.

 

“What are we going to do?” I'm so afraid of what awaits us. If I listened to my heart, I would go to my Boss and tell him the truth. But who knows how Murakami-sama would react? How Yokoyama would react...

 

“Well, we have no other choice than to keep it a secret for now.” Ryo lets his arms slip around my waist. His head is suddenly heavy on my chest, I lean and rest my temple against his soft hair. “Let's find that person who attacked us, first,” he says, “After that, well, we'll find a way to make them understand...”

 

I want to believe his words, I have faith in him. He's holding my hand. He believes in us despite the unfavorable odds.

 

****************

When I arrive at work very late in the morning, Yokoyama sensei is just coming out Murakami-sama's office. He seems appeased, he has a dreamy smile lingering on his full lips and flushed cheeks – as well as an exceptionally crumpled shirt.

 

“...'Morning” He tells me, interrupted in his reverie. He looks at his watch and whistles. “Phew. You slept in.”

 

“I... needed some rest.”

 

“Rest, boy, rest. But not too much. Your mission is to protect him by all means.” Yokoyama shows the office's door with a delicate movement of his hand. “If you fail... Well if you fail, I'm not sure you'll enjoy my reaction.”

 

He walks past me and pats me on the back.

 

“Never ever leave the lesson again without my permission.” Yokoyama threateningly whispers as he leaves.

 

****************

“Ah. Ohkura, come in. How are you, Son?”

 

“I'm okay, Boss.” I want to tell him I feel better than I've ever felt, that Ryo's fragrance is still lingering on the collar of my jacket, where he has rested his head before we parted. But I can't, it's not the place nor the moment to confess my weakness.

 

“Mh. Very good. You could have taken your day off, today. There's nothing much to do, I've sent the boys off already.”

 

“I have to protect you. Yesterday someone...”

 

“Someone targeted us, me and Shibutani, yes. That person's not likely to act again soon, so go rest.”

 

“But Yokoyama-san...”

 

“Yoko is as frightened as a grandma in front of her TV. But he's not a bad guy. I told him to go easy on you. I'm sorry if he's gone overboard, recently.”

 

Murakami-sama looks at me with friendly eyes. I shouldn't be afraid of telling him about Ryo, he may understand, after all, he already has forgiven me many times for more serious matters than a lover.

 

“Boss, it's okay, really. Actually, I have something....”

 

“Shhh. I won't hear any of your dubious arguments. Go home. I can protect myself for the next twenty-four hours.”

 

And with that simple sentence, all my courage is gone.

 

******************

I've spent a terrible night. I've been assaulted by nightmares for hours. Ryo has sent me several texts, all of them flirty little poems, but my heart can't calm down.

 

It's unusual for me but I wake up around four thirty, way before the sun. I take a cold shower and drink the leftover coffee sitting on my counter since yesterday. It's bitter, too strong. Maybe Ryo's right, coffee sucks. But for now, it helps me clear up my ideas.

 

I walk to the office, taking my time along the deserted streets of the metropolis to enjoy the stillness of the world. It's not yet time for the fury and the noise, for the violence specific to huge cities like this one. The air is fresh, the breeze soft. I feel better.

 

My phone rings. A text has come.

 

“Morning, beauty. Wanna see you. Tonight? 7:00?”

 

He makes me smile and I type an answer as I push the main door of the headquarters, not even noticing it's unusually unlocked. I climb the stairs smiling at the erotic boldness of the answer I've sent and the blushing emoji Ryo has sent me back.

 

The door to Murakami-sama's office is slightly ajar and that's really strange at such an early hour. He's not an early bird, and none of his stupid minions has the key to the room. There are only three keys, mine included.

 

I put my smartphone back into my pocket and open the door with a light push. It faintly squeaks and reveals the inside of the room where a desk lamp is on.

 

I take two steps inside the office.

 

There's a dark stain on the stylish white carpet lying in front of the desk. Next to the stain a hand. His hand, his watch and the sleeve of his favorite white shirt. I realize the extent of the disaster in shock a second after my eyes see his lying body.

 

I fall on my knees next to my boss. He's hardly breathing, he shakes.

 

“Boss...” I murmur, already crying.

 

“Call... Someone... I... I've seen...”

 

He's trying to say something, he wants to reach his cell phone but he's way too weak.

 

“Don't move, don't move please...” I sob while shakingly dialing the emergency number. His stomach is all red and shiny under the desk lamp's dull light. His hand grabs mine in a last effort before he loses consciousness.

 

Someone has attacked him while I was taking my time walking to the office. It's my fault, I should have stayed with him, I've failed him again.

 

I scream on the phone, I yell at the nurse on the other side of the line. The ambulance is on its way she tells me.

 

I cry, alone on the stained white carpet, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. I brush his hair back, I look around for someone else. For help.

I'm alone. I pray. It's all that I can do, I'm powerless.


	5. Chapter 5

I have blood on my trousers, on my skin. It's everywhere, it even stained my socks or so it seems to me given my feet are soaking in a warm and sticky liquid.

 

The walls of the hospital are so desperately white and the light bulbs so bright my eyes hurt. I've been waiting for long, I don't know how long exactly. I know Yokoyama sensei will arrive shortly, I've called him while in the ambulance. I certainly fear the moment he'll walk in the waiting room but to be honest, what I fear most is Murakami-sama's possible death.

 

What if he dies? Like, for real. A world without him, how does that sound?

 

Awful. Lonely. Cold.

 

I brush my hair back with a hand, I breathe deeply. I try to isolate myself from all the interferences of the hospital. People are screaming, some are crying and, me, well, I feel too distraught to wail like a girl. Maybe I don't have a tear left after those long minutes alone waiting for the ambulance. Holding what was left of his life in my arms.

 

There's a huge commotion at the entrance, someone is screaming louder than the rest of the desperate humans assembled here, someone who bursts into the room before everyone's dismayed eyes.

 

"Where is he?!" Yokoyama screeches at the top of his lungs. "Where?!" He sounds like a seventeenth-century kabuki actor, dramatic and raw, waiting for his audience to cheer his outstanding performance. He notices my poor silhouette, slumped on a chair, turns and rushes towards me. I can't move. He's rage personified, a storm falling on me, his eyes red and swollen, his elegant mouth twisted in a scary pout.

 

My lower lip explodes when his fist meets my face. It hurts but I let him, it's okay. I deserve it.

 

"You! You had one fucking mission! Only one!"

 

He hits me again but with less force, and again, until his limp fist falls to his side. I've never seen a pain so raw, so violent. I witness what real love looks like.

 

Would I be able to feel like this? Is it even possible for me to become pure wrath, to transform into anger at its most powerful? If someone ever hurts Ryo, I think I could. It scares me a little.

 

He sits next to me. Passes his hands through his hair. No one has moved in the room, no one wants to get a taste of what I just underwent. I take a tissue in my pocket and push it against my bleeding lip. It's red in no time, I'm tired of blood recently. It stinks.

 

"Where is Shingo?" he asks again, with a child's voice this time.

 

"The doctor has said he should be fine. I'm waiting for news."

 

"I... I'm sorry. You should show your lip to. .. Someone." He gestures around my mouth and I recoil a bit, on instinct. "I'm sorry, Ohkura. I shouldn't have."

 

"Nah, it's okay. I should have been there, with him, all night. But he told me to go... He told me he'd be fine by himself."

 

"I know. He always says that."

 

He has a sweet smile all of a sudden, he's thinking of some memory, some moment he's shared with the boss, some moment of their life I don't know about, that I don't have the right to know about.

 

A tall guy with a white blouse comes out the nearest corridor. He looks tired but quite satisfied with himself.

 

"Murakami san's. .. Friend? The person who brought him here?"

 

I raise my hand and he walks to us, noticing the bloody tissue I'm holding against my mouth.

 

"Are you okay with that?"

 

I nod.

 

"Alright. So, hm. Your friend is okay. Looks like he's been attacked by someone with a butcher knife. He's lost lots of blood but the major organs are okay. It's a miracle. For now, he's still unconscious but if you'd like to see him, he's in room 800. I have, hm, family in your kind of... "business". I won't notify the police. Just don't fight anymore in my corridors."

 

He throws a meaningful glance at Yokoyama, next to me.

 

"Thank you." my teacher whispers, looking at his feet.

 

****************

 

It's still daylight when we enter the hospital room. He's lying on a large bed, connected to countless tubes and machines. His whistling breath sounds painful but at least he breathes. Yokoyama goes directly to his side and takes his hand. He must have forgotten about me and tenderly kisses the white fingers of his lover, burying his face wet with tears in the other's palm. I'm about to leave, I'm a stranger here, it's not my place right now.

 

Just when I turn, I hear Yokoyama-sensei's voice, small and tired, calling me.

 

"Ohkura. Thank you. Thanks for having been there when he was... Thanks."

 

"It's okay, sensei, I..."

 

"He thinks of you as the son I could never have given him. As someone, he loves, somehow. God knows I've been jealous of what you two have. It's never been easy between Shingo and I, but there is this mad love, this tremendous feeling that has kept us together despite... Well despite every single problem that arose since the first day we met."

 

He's beautiful, his voice is vibrant and he just confirmed that Murakami-sama feels for me. I'm ready to forgive him entirely, for every weird moment, every insult, every wicked look he's ever given me.

 

"He's saved my life, you know. At least, people are right when they say this. I was drowning in a river, I can't swim, I hate water. We'd never met but he jumped into the water and took me in his arms, dragged me out of the river and gave me his coat. I'd never seen someone so caring and amazing. I was eighteen. I fell in love with my hero. You should have seen his mother's face when he told her he wasn't going to marry that girl from the other clan. That he wouldn't have children. She hates me, despises my very existence. But he remained by my side, refused every single marriage proposal, sent every girl away, just because of me. I still fall in love with him every time he kisses me. He's like a permanent vibration under my skin, he's the frantic beats of my heart. My world. So I'm truly sorry if I hurt you earlier, I couldn't control myself. We're gonna find the asshole who did that to my man, and I'm going to kill him myself."

 

I'm still standing next to the door, my hand on the handle, paralyzed. He's looking straight at me, determined and strong.

 

"We will," I say, fearing at the same time what is to come. "I... I'll leave. Just send me a text if anything new happens."

 

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow at eight at the office, no matter what happens. We have a revenge to prepare."

 

Once again, he frightens me. This man is dangerous. Under the innocent image of a drama teacher lies a merciless fighter madly in love. Whoever did this to Murakami-sama will suffer.

 

And what if Shibutani is responsible for this? What if Ryo has lied to me, again?

 

****************

 

Once again, it's not eight yet when I ring Ryo's bell. But like the last time, he immediately opens the door. I suspect he's waiting right behind it, for the moment I'll get out of the elevator.

 

I must look awful, still stained with blood, my lip swollen and my eyes red. His initial smile dies the second he sees the mess I am.

 

"What happened? Are you hurt?!"

 

I can feel the panic rising in his voice, he's dragging me inside the next second, after having checked around quickly. I'm still mute, I can't find the words to explain. I have weird visions at the back of my head where he tells me it's him who attacked my boss, that he's upset to have failed. But in front of my eyes, in what seems to be the reality, he's removing my stained jacket and my shirt, carefully checking for any wound, anything that would justify the awful quantity of blood all over me.

 

"I'm okay, I'm... It's not my blood."

 

"Whose is it?"

 

"Murakami-sama. I... He's..."

 

"Dead?"

 

"No," I answer in one powerful sob. "... In the hospital. He's been attacked. I couldn't... Do..."

 

"Shhhhhh. It's okay, don't cry, please." Ryo's face is meeting mine, his soft cheek brushes my wet ones and I finally let myself fall into his welcoming arms. "He's tough, he'll make it, it's alright. How about your mouth?"

 

"That's Yokoyama. He's worse than all the gangster's minions of that fucking city gathered..." I snicker, and I feel slightly better with his soft hands on my naked waist.

 

He smiles.

 

"Have a seat, I'll be back soon" Ryo whispers after having left a kiss in the crook of my neck. I reluctantly let him go and slump into his sofa. My body hurts all over and my heart burns. Gradually all the pain is being replaced with anger. I want to find who is targeting us, who almost succeeded in killing Murakami-sama and Ryo.

 

My phone tweets from the bottom of my trouser's pocket. It's a text from my teacher.

 

_"He's awake. It's painful but overall, he's okay. He told me that you've been here for him, that I mustn't resent you. I don't. See you tomorrow morning."_

 

When I look up, Ryo's here with a soft towel and a bucket filled with steaming hot water. He doesn't say a word and just kneels in front of me, dipping the towel in the water before letting the warm and wet softness of the fabric wipe away the dried blood stains on my skin. He's so soft and caring, taking his time to clean every spot of my body that bears the traces of the awful day I've just had. It's silent for a while, time only rhythmed by our faint breathing and the liquid noise of the reddened water drenched from the towel. When he seems to be content with his work, he puts the bucket aside and sits next to me. I'm almost naked and the water still lingering on me is so cool that I shiver.

 

"Are you cold?" he whispers.

 

"Yeah. Tired as well."

 

He nods. His eyes are devouring me whole, deep and dark like death, tender and pure like love. He leans in and fleetingly kisses me, not daring to go further, still shy somehow. We both know that tonight my heart is not strong enough to withstand the passion, the violent desire we feel for each other. I can see how much he wants me but also how respectful and careful he is not to push me.

 

"Did you get news?"

 

"Yes. He's awake."

 

"See? He's a rock."

 

"Ryo... I'm so afraid right now. Anything can happen and... Well, now we're... I love you. I think. Because you know my heart's not used to love. But today I saw something in Yokoyama-sensei's eyes. An anger so powerful, a pain so vibrant... If anything happened to you I think I couldn't... Control myself either. Sounds awfully premature, right?" I let a little laugh escape me. I don't know what to add to make this confession less weird. But it's not a normal love story we're talking about. It has Shakespearian accents, something from a tragedy.

 

He doesn't say a word and just leans in again to kiss me fully. His hands are on the curve of my hips and the faith he puts in our embrace makes me oblivious to all the drama. If it's to live moments like these when I feel complete, alive and loved, then bring the difficulties, bring the storms and the quakes. As long as Ryo's lips are on mine, I am indestructible.

 

Soon we're both entirely naked and our skins touch and rub freely, exchanging tenderness and warmth. There's nothing overly dirty tonight, it's all about touching and tasting, comforting and reassuring the other with touches and kisses, our mouths discovering new sources of tremors, new epicenters of pleasure, a soft and strong wave that brings us both to a quiet heaven.

 

It lasts for hours maybe, this incredible embrace, in the silence of his apartment. Nothing moves except for us and we're our own world, we write our own rules on the other's sensitive flesh, making ourselves stronger, building walls against pain and doubts with kisses.

 

The artificial lights outside recede, it's very late and Ryo falls asleep on me, nuzzling in the crook of my neck, his legs tangled with mine. I don't want to move, I feel like I'm the man I've always wanted to be, here, in his arms.

 

Tomorrow, the war begins.

 

****************

  
“Ohkura! Wake up!”

 

Ryo is shaking my shoulder hard. I've always had trouble waking up, always, and after a night like the one we've just lived, my body and my brain are not ready to declare the dream over.

 

“Hmm... Why?” I manage to mumble while trying to open my eyes.

 

“Someone is at the door. Someone I don't want you to meet just now. Please go in my bedroom... for a minute. Please.”

 

“Alright... yeah.”

 

I stand, a little dizzy, grab my bloodstained clothes that Ryo has discarded all over his floor earlier and lock myself in his bedroom. The bed looks welcoming, there's no doubt, but I need to know who's ringing Ryo's bell so early in the morning. So I remain standing, naked, an ear stuck against the thin wooden panel that serves as a door.

 

Someone is already in, saying hello hastily. Their voices are closer now, they're in the living room.

“... told me I should come to bring you the news. Murakami's been attacked. Stabbed. Yesterday... _Stabbed_ , Ryo-chan. _Stabbed_. Fuck.”

 

“Maru. It's okay... They'll never...”

 

“They _will_. Sho-chan and I, we're the _Shinobi_. We're known for that, we're knifemen. Everybody will assume we did it after what has happened the other day.”

 

A silence. Ryo walks, he's placing himself between the bedroom's door and his friend. He wants to stand between us if his friend ever confesses it's him who attacked Murakami-sama. Who would he choose if it were the case?

 

“... And... Did you do it?” Direct question. Simple, efficient, that man.

 

“No, of course not! Sho-chan and I, we... Well after what happened at the waste ground, I forbade him to go out. I needed to stay with him at least a day... together. See what I mean?”

 

“Yeah. Sure.” Ryo sounds a little embarrassed now. He clears his throat. “So if you didn't do it, it's okay, Maru. Did Subaru tell you anything else?”

 

“No. We have to be at the office by nine. That's all.”

 

“Alright. Go ahead. I have to take a shower and change my bandage.”

 

“Eat something, as you go. The day will be long.”

 

I suppose Ryo nods and shily smiles at his friend's motherly words. That's how he is. I'm confused behind my door, so confused I have to hold on the handle not to fall to my knees.

 

The Shinobi? Who are those guys? Do they, by any chance, know something about the one who's targeting us all... Someone who, like them, is using knives and guns in a world where gangsters don't have the patience nor the refinement needed to wield blades anymore.

 

****************  
  
I've left Ryo's place after a few more kisses and no explanation on who his visitor was exactly except for a “ _Someone who could be useful one day._ ”

 

I shouldn't trust him, but the inner me does, blindly. Somehow I want to believe in us, I don't mind feeling weaker than I've ever felt when I'm shivering in his arms.

 

I know that I will have to choose between two worlds, soon. Between a father and a lover.

 

I don't want to.

 

I push the door of Murakami-sama's office. Yokoyama sensei is already seated behind it, going through papers and pictures the boss was most likely studying when he's been attacked.

 

There are some photographs in his long fingers and his tired eyes are round with surprise.

 

He looks up at me.

 

A picture of Ryo on the waste ground slips from his left hand and glides slowly in the cold air of the office until it lands at my feet.

 

“... Nishikido-kun?” Yokoyama utters with a broken voice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well... Sorry for the delay, everyone. Not only this chapter has been very difficult to write, but I dropped my notebook on concrete and it kind of 'forgot' some files and pictures somewhere between the floor and my loving hands. I had to re-write a good part of it, to be honest. XD  
> Hope you enjoy this Franken-chapter though!


	6. Chapter 6

There's something in his eyes, something scary, that I can't explain. It paralyzes me. His dark eyes are full of pain, yes, but I can see hatred, betrayal, doubt as well, in them. He hasn't moved at all since I've stopped in front of the desk, judging every bit of me with the deepest stare I've ever seen.

 

I can't look at him anymore so I crouch and pick the photograph up. It's Ryo, yes, _my_ Ryo, his hair combed back, wearing a suit and looking doubtfully at the car I was hiding in. So Murakami-sama had guys hidden all around to take pictures of the conversation, and I didn't know about it. Worse, I haven't seen any of them.

 

“Maybe there's a picture of the one who fired at us and attacked Murakami-sama in there,” I say, showing the pile of pictures that are still lying under Yokoyama's palms. He looks down at them, a bit lost, rummages through some of them and finally stands.

 

“Yes. I believe the culprit is in your hands...” He points at Ryo's photograph. “... Or rather in your arms, I should say.”

 

“No, he's not like that... He's not...” I stumble over my words, I fear for my lover's life all of a sudden. Where are all the stupid minions who usually roam this office waiting for a word, for a praise? Where are they? It's way too silent in here.

 

Frighteningly quiet.

 

“You've been deceiving us all this time. Lying in the same bed as the enemy. For all I know, it's you who stabbed Shingo, because your bitch asked you to do so...”

 

“No. Never. I love Murakami-sama, like a father, I couldn't...” I shake, I've left my guns in the safe on the other side of the desk, I'm defenseless and the rage is building up in him. “Ryo's been hurt at the waste ground. He's recovering at home. He can't be...”

 

There's an idea hitting me suddenly, something I know to be wrong, really wrong. But I have to save the person I love, I have to deflect the suspicion on someone else than him.

 

“... There are those guys working from time to time for Shibutani... The _Shinobi_ , I've heard. Experts with blades. Discreet and deadly. The blonde guy, here on that picture... it's one of them.”

 

I'm not sure Ryo will ever forgive me for that, I don't know how much he's attached to them. They may be cousins for all I know. But I'd rather unleash Yokoyama's fury on those men that I don't know than on him.

 

“Am I supposed to believe you?”

 

“I... was with Ryo on the night Murakami-sama was stabbed. We've spent the night together.” Another inaccuracy can't hurt, I'm already ankle-deep in the mud of a filthy pack of lies.

 

“So instead of protecting Shingo you were fucking that little bitch...”

 

“Stop calling him like this!!”

 

Yokoyama jolts back in surprise. I've shouted at the top of my lungs and slammed both my hands on the desk in fury. The shock echoes for long seconds in the silence of the office. I can be a threat as well. He tends to forget how many persons I've killed, and how before Ryo messed up my brain and my heart, I didn't care at all about other people's life.

 

Except for Murakami-sama.

 

“Stop. Calling. Him. A bitch. Stop, or I'll kill you I swear.”

 

“He's made you his puppet. In barely two months, you've sold your soul to that guy... Leave... Now. Leave. I'll take care of those Shinobi guys. And if it's proved they're innocent, I'll come for you and your guy. Wherever you two will be in the world, I'll find you, believe me.”

 

I take a step back, then a second one, still looking straight at him. He could shoot me in the back, I'm sure of this. But instead, he just slumps back into his chair and closes his eyes with an exhausted sigh. A tear is rolling on his left cheek, Yokoyama cries for all the deception, all the lies and all the pain he has to withstand.

 

****************  
  
I'm running in the street, along an avenue that's full of passers-by, straight to Ryo's place. I've tried to call him but his phone seems to be off. His landline is cut as well, and I know that Murakami-sama's rogue minions are outside, looking for a culprit blindly designated by Yokoyama.

 

It's too bad because today is quite nice, all sunny and soft. Some cherry trees are starting to blossom and their delicate fragrance is filling the air with a sweet spring feeling. We could be walking hand in hand along the river, sit for a few minutes under the blossoming trees and enjoy our time together. But my boss is in the hospital, and the man I love may be dead already. Why do I even think about damn flowers?

 

I'm lost in my thoughts, still running, and my lungs burn, damn cigarettes. I have to turn left next, it's a shortcut to his street, not so far from my own place to be honest. But just when I start thinking about taking the next alley left, someone comes out of the blur the crowd is melting into and blocks my way.

 

He's blond, in his twenties, pretty, a little bit girly even. He is the one I've seen with Ryo so often I can't count. I've seen them laugh together, I've seen them protecting Shibutani or sharing a cigarette... They're friends, brothers in arms and misfortune.

 

He puts his hand on my chest to stop me like a cat would reach a fragile vase with its sensitive paw.

 

“You're not going further. You're coming with me.” He says, very seriously, with a tone that does not suffer contradiction.

 

“Why?” I'm a sucker for contradiction.

 

“Ryo... He's asked me to bring you to him.”

 

“Is he alright?”

 

“He is. You have to follow me. Discreetly, if you can.” He looks at me like a fashionable grandma would look at a teenager. I feel naked and judged.

 

“Alright. I'll follow you. But I wanna know your name first.”

 

“Yasuda Shota.” The small guy shrugs as if it were obvious. So he's the other half of the Shinobi thing I've heard of. The very same man I've designated as the culprit fifteen minutes earlier.

 

I'm still in a daze when he decides to leave, followed or not by my troubled ass. The small guy seems to be very agile and starts climbing along an emergency staircase in the deserted alley like a swift monkey.

 

“Hey! I'm not following you up there,” I deem important to inform him. My fear of heights is so strong I can't even climb on a chair. The only moment I'm okay with heights is when my eye is glued to my gun's sights.

 

“You will, Pussy. Ryo's waiting for you and it's the only way.”

 

It will be a torture for me but he's right. We have to be discreet and I know the rooftops of this sprawling metropolis are the safest place to walk when you're being hunted down.

 

Reluctantly, I grab the cold metal of the staircase that's looking more like a ladder than anything else and pull my body up, on the stairs. He's already arrived on the rooftop, eight stories above my head and looks at me with a mocking smile. When I finally join him up there, out of breath and trembling, he's given up and inelegantly sits on an electricity meter far from the vertiginous edge of the building.

 

“If the little Bro has said I have to bring him back, I have to...” Yasuda says to himself with another shrug. “The things I'd do for friends, really...”

 

“Didn't you say we had to be discreet? Shouldn't you stop talking?”

 

“I said _you_ had to. I'm the stealthiest guy out there. No one notices me.”

 

“Well, drop the blond dye if you really wanna be furtive. Your hair is a whole new kind of flashy.”

 

He looks at me scornfully, he's already cutting me into a thousand bloody pieces with his favorite katana, deep down, in his dreams. I feel the contempt that emanates from him as well as a vivid spark of interest. Yasuda obviously decides not to kill me yet, as he shrugs again, rolls his eyes and shows me the way to Ryo.

 

****************  
  
When we arrive in the room where Ryo is hiding, I'm ready to throw myself in his arms, to tell him how much I've feared for his life for the short hours we've been separated.

 

As soon as he sees me, he has that same movement, that impulse that almost leads him to my heart, in my welcoming arms. But his brother is here as well, and a third guy, way meatier than both of them.

 

Shibutani turns to me and shows his evilest grin.

 

“Oh, look who's there. Shingo's little baby.”

 

It was all the provocation Ryo needed to move because as soon as his brother finishes with his mocking laugh he stands and walks to me. He grabs my tie – well, the one he's lent me this morning, mine was way too bloody to wear – and pulls me to his lips until we're fully kissing under the other's dismayed eyes. This kiss has the taste of triumph. We take our time and become oblivious to the persons around us.

 

We put in that embrace all the longing and the fear we've felt for each other this morning. When one of the other men gives a discreet cough we finally part, not without giving a few eager pecks on the other's lips.

 

“He's mine,” Ryo states loudly, looking around as if to be sure everyone is properly listening. “Mine. Anyone who'd hurt him in any way would pay for it. I'm not joking.”

 

“Alright, nice to meet you, then... ?” Shibutani says, reaching for a handshake.

 

It's very embarrassing, what we've just done, here, before his friends' eyes and I can feel it's even more awkward now. Yasuda has walked to the other man seated in a vintage armchair and is unconsciously playing with his companion curly hair. I guess he is too interested in us to care about his own behavior.

 

“So maybe Yasu has told you already... he's so talkative...” Shibutani turns towards his lackey and smiles. “... I've been attacked, at home, yesterday morning. A man, huge, wearing a balaclava. He's tried to shoot me with a Glock. Your favorite kind of gun, right?”

 

“Y-yes?”

 

“So at first, we've thought that it was you, of course. You've tried to kill me several times, after all... I'm starting to feel like an immortal, really. But then my dear lil'bro here swore that you were with him, that you couldn't be targeting me. I love my brother. I trust him, even if he's the dumbest fucker for having fallen in love with you. I mean...” He takes a cigarette from the pack the seated half of the Shinobi is handing him. The boss lights the cig and takes in a huge puff of smoke. “... I mean, it's not that you're a bad guy. It's more like you are our adversary, someone who shouldn't enter here, with us. You are the Montague here, we're some kind of Capulets.”

 

“I wouldn't... I can't do something like this! Not anymore...”

 

“I know, boy, I know. Thing is... Shingo and I have been assaulted on the same day by someone who has tried his hardest to make us believe we were attacking each other. Someone who has tried to start a war between us. I don't like that. That psycho is still running free and your boss's darling has turned crazy. He's sent his dogs everywhere. Ryo's fought one of them this morning, Maru had to kill another one to protect me, God bless his knives... We have a serious problem.”

 

Ryo takes my hand and I can feel his thumb tenderly caressing my palm. It's so sweet I could cry.

 

We have a common enemy now, we have a common cause to fight for.

 

“I'll find that person,” I say, made brave – or stupid – by Ryo's display of love. “And I'll kill him with my own hands.”

 

“ _Then, in the name of God and all these rights, Advance your standards, draw your willing swords..._ ” Yasuda recites in unison with his companion.

 

Shakespeare, again. Tragedy, always.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

It's a weird daily routine that has fallen upon us. I've bragged the first few days, that I could go out in the open and find the one who has attacked us. But all that I've met is Yokoyama's men, trailing behind me until they've got me cornered and obligated to kill them quick. It's a pain in the ass to shoot someone you've seen eat and laugh for years, every day.

 

I've never really eaten or laughed _with_ them, though.

 

Makes the guilt easier to deal with.

 

It's been ten days now that we all live in this small flat, and the others are barely seeing the sun. Ryo hasn't stepped outside for more than a week, curbed by the brotherly feelings and the loyalty he feels for his own clan. Every morning he closes the door behind me without a kiss, barely looking at me.

 

The Shinobi are going out at night, they're _hunting_ says Shibutani, and I'm not sure if I like this innuendo. Yesterday Yasuda's katana left a trail of fresh blood on the wall next to the door. Whose blood it was, I don't wanna know.

 

I am exhausted tonight. I've run after a particularly promising lead all day, confirmed by the clues I've found near the waste ground where the clans have met. I've searched all rooftops around and found a cigarette that had never been smoked next to the butt of a burned one, under a small shelter. The place was perfect for anyone who would have wanted to shoot us, I'd have myself chosen that spot. High enough, sheltered so you'd be invisible to the naked eye, a hole pierced in a thin wooden wall to be able to aim and shoot at ease. The person who's planned all this has thought of every single detail, except maybe for the two cigarettes that have most likely rolled out of their pack when he or she has left.

 

Those cigarettes are strange, longer than usual, thin and entirely black. They smell weird, a very strong fragrance I can't name and that makes me sneeze. I show them to Ryo once I'm back and he sneezes as well while sniffing at the long black thing.

 

I can't help but think it's incredibly cute. I'm so done for, gosh.

 

“What's that smell?” He asks with curious eyes. He's once again half naked, the days have gone a lot warmer recently and he walks everywhere wearing only his jeans, as usual. I want to hold him in my arms but since I've arrived, ten days ago, we didn't get a single moment alone, without Shibutani weirdly looking at us, obviously waiting for some explosion from one of us.

 

“I-I don't know.” I need to focus, it's not because I haven't heard anyone move in the flat that it's okay to walk closer and kiss him. “It's something I don't like, for sure. But it has been forgotten right under the hole pierced by the sniper, I'm a hundred percent sure of that.”

 

“Mmm.” Ryo looks at the stub he holds between his fingers and nods. “I don't like it either. But I'm quite curious about the taste...”

 

He puts the unsmoked cigarette between his sultry lips and plays a bit with it, the long black tube going up and down and sticking to the wet corner of his mouth. His hair is a mess, he looks at me questioningly and all I wish for is a kiss, and more, way more.

 

I take a step toward him, pick the cigarette from his lips, slowly, solely focused on his dark eyes and the delicate beauty mark that adorns his face there. I kiss it, out of the blue, that small dot that makes me envious of his innate beauty. Then I can't keep myself from leaving a path of kisses along his cheek, his jaw, the tip of his nose.

 

He breathes soundly, he shakes a little but does not move, waiting for something to happen, for a path to take.

 

“What are you doing?” he whispers in my left ear. My hands are already on his waist, enjoying the velvety feel of his skin.

 

“Kissing you, obviously. I miss you so much.”

 

“We've been together for the past ten days.” He notes with a smirk.

 

“I _miss_ you.” I know that my voice is low, feeble, but his fingers are on the waistband of my pants and he's pulling my hips slowly but firmly towards his. I have trouble functioning.

 

“They've gone out for a few hours... and will be back in no time. If you want me, it's now. Quick.”

 

His thigh slightly goes up, just enough to tease the bulge that is already torturing me, inside my underwear. I take his mouth and he moans, desperately throwing his arms around my neck. Soon, he's in my arms and I'm lifting his lightweight body until he's leaning against the small cabinet that's in what I call the dormitory. There are six single beds in line in there, one of them being mine, next to his, and sometimes, before falling asleep, he reaches for my hand and holds it until he's closed his lids.

 

I kick the door of the dormitory closed. We'll at least have a few seconds to us if they're coming back earlier than planned. He's half seated on the cabinet, half holding onto my hips with his thighs, in a very precarious balance but still manages to strip me off my shirt, my pants and my underwear. I devour his mouth, his beautiful lips, I've missed them so much. His jeans are long gone and finally, he's entirely naked, revealing his excitement through a sexy laugh, biting his own lower lip as I keep kissing and licking his neck and clavicle.

 

We make love as if we were to die the next minute as if it were the last thing we'd ever live. It's quick and rough, passionate and totally worth the uncomfortable balance we've found thanks to this timely cabinet. It creaks and hits the wall, rhythming Ryo's uncontrolled moaning. As usual, he's loud, so loud the whole building may be hearing us, but every inflection of his pleasure chants are giving me energy, building up my courage and my force, again.

 

He bites his lips again, he looks like he's gonna cry and, looking at me straight in the eyes, murmurs my name, repeatedly, every time more devoutly until I can't anymore and come, trembling, in his tender arms.

 

“I love you,” Ryo whispers while I'm suddenly seized by an uncontrollable sobbing.

 

I haven't had any news of Murakami-sama. He may be dead. Also, I'm failing at protecting the man I love, and the ones he wants to protect. I'm nothing.

 

“I love you, and I'm proud of you. So proud of you.” He keeps repeating against my temple. “I have to leave my brother, now. I have to help you. I'm so sorry I didn't realize it before.”

 

“Oh, Ryo... Where are we heading? We...”

 

We're still holding each other when we hear the key turn in the lock of the front door. In a few seconds, he's up on his feet, putting his jeans on. His hair is still a mess, he still looks like perfection.

 

“You need a rest. Go to bed, I'll tell them about the cigs.” I grab his forearm as he's leaving. He turns, surprised. I'm still crying.

 

Ryo kisses me lightly on the mouth and says that he loves me, again.

 

The other guys are moving in the kitchen, preparing coffees. I don't want to see them, so I nod, pick my stuff from the floor and go lie in my bed. Ryo closes the door behind him and I'm alone again.

 

****************  
  
“It's clove.”

 

“... What?” I'm sipping a strong coffee, looking at the sunrise when Maruyama – that's his complete name – interrupts my reverie.

 

“The weird smell. Clove.”

 

He looks so proud and so glad to have something to give me as a hint. A bone to chew. I can't imagine that guy coldly slitting people's throats with his knives. He looks so genuine, almost simple. And ninety percent of the time, way too merry to kill a fly.

 

“Oh.” I say, taking another sip of my beloved elixir.

 

“My dad smoked those, back in the time he was still alive. Kreteks. Indonesian cigs. It smells like clove 'cause there's clove essential oil in them. The smell is even worse when lit.”

 

“Mmmm. Are they, like, rare? In Japan?”

 

“No, people can buy them pretty much everywhere. The long black ones are from Djarum. But people who smoke them... They have some difficulties breathing, swallowing. Those are fucking lethal if you ask me.”

 

“Are they the reason why your dad...?”

 

“Uh? No.” He laughs. “ _I_ killed my dad. The day he hit my mom so hard that she lost consciousness.”

 

There's a heavy silence. Ryo tip-toes into the room and comes behind me, letting his arms slide around my neck and leaves a soft kiss on my temple.

 

Maruyama looks at us with a smirk. I don't know how to keep the conversation going after what he's just confessed.

 

“Maru's oyaji was an asshole, Babe. It's okay, really.” Ryo says softly.

 

I clear my throat.

 

“So... Yeah. Kret...?”

 

“Kreteks. Find someone who smells awful and has trouble swallowing his saliva.”

 

“Great. That sounds so easy when you're saying it.” I feel obligated to mock a little. Ryo's arms are still around my neck and his hands are sliding into my shirt. It looks like yesterday night's embrace has lifted the veil of modesty he was draping himself with during the past few days.

 

“Sure. But it's still a hint. The only one you've got.” Maruyama stands and pats my shoulder then his friend's before leaving.

 

“He must like you very much, it's the first time I've seen him so friendly with someone he's not grown up with.”

 

“...Yasuda?”

 

“It's not the same. Their bond is very different. They love each other to _death_.” Ryo underlines his last word with a kiss on my lips.

 

I finally have a clue.

 

******************

 

We've been out for a good part of the day, returning to the place where I've found the stubs, enlarging our circle of searches, but in vain. There's nothing else left there. The trail ends exactly where it appeared.

 

Ryo is with me for once, and I'm checking around all the time, too afraid of Yokoyama's wolves to be at ease.

 

We're searching the waste ground for the nth time, looking down at the filthy ground when four police cars turn the corner and enter the place, their blue light flashing in the quiet dusk. There's no sound coming out, except for the roaring motors, but that light... It's blinding, threatening and definitely between us and the exit.

 

Ryo turns to me, looking afraid. He says something, but the sound of his voice is swallowed by the metallic noise of the stopping cars. I think I could read _'It's okay, Babe'_ on his lips but I'm not sure. Maybe I'm the one looking like a scared child, after all.

 

One of the white and blue panels opens and spits a huge officer out. He's tall, thin but quite muscular and adorns the most wicked smile ever on his face.

 

“Finally! We found some of you little shits.” He says, walking to Ryo. “You and your guys killed quite the quantity of persons recently, yeah?”

 

A dozen of other policemen is waiting behind him, forming a wall we can't pass. We're trapped here, on this doomed waste ground.

 

“I don't know what you're talking about, Officer.” Ryo speaks with confidence, I'm almost buying his lie.

 

“Nishikido Ryo, right?”

 

“Yes.” He's proud, beautiful.

 

“Alright. You'll come with me. Your little friend here will tell your big bro about me and the meeting I wanna arrange.”

 

“No!” I can't control myself, the policemen already have Ryo surrounded, taking him forcefully to one of the cars. My hand automatically goes to my holster and searches for my Glock.

 

“Don't move further, young man. You'll regret your recklessness...”

 

I stop my movement. I'm already targeted by five men and a sixth one is holding a gun to Ryo's temple. What kind of cops are those guys?

 

“It's okay, Ohkura. Go tell Subaru. This gentleman wants to meet him, that's all. It's okay.”

 

I'm trembling, my rage is overwhelming and all that I can do is watch Ryo being taken away. He looks at me with loving eyes, smiling softly. I remember the warmth of his skin against mine, I recall the sound of his chanting voice yesterday when he was exulting in my arms. Once again I'm powerless.

 

“Thursday, nine p.m. Along the river, where the abandoned warehouses are. We'll wait for your boss and his rippers' friends.” Says the tall officer before being swallowed again by his car.

 

Ryo looks at me through the closed window, so I say something, something I know he will understand even though he can't hear me anymore.

 

“ _Farewell! God knows when we shall meet again._ **”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- You guessed it, the last quote is from 'Romeo and Juliet'. Of course. XD I'm so predictable XD


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some violence and graphic depiction of a shooting in this chapter...

An awful cracking sound echoing back and forth on the walls of the small kitchen. That's all that's left of Shibutani's anger after he's smashed the old and ugly vase that was decorating the counter. All I can think of is that it's probably his mom – _Ryo's mom_ – who has put it here years ago, thinking it would add a nice 'at home' vibe to her oldest son's hiding place.

 

“So... You let them take him?” He reproaches me. His usually large and bottomless dark eyes are just slits now, slits from which hell is coming loose. I'm shaken, still confused and most of all, I hurt all over. I don't need his criticism, I already know I'm the worst human being on earth.

 

“He told me... They were holding guns to his head... I couldn't...” I stutter some excuses, devoid of sense in front of his brother, the one who has seen him grow up, the one who shares his blood and I feel shameful, so unworthy of Ryo's love and trust.

 

_I love you, and I'm proud of you. So proud of you._

 

His words are hitting my skull's walls, passing through my brain painfully.

 

“Excuses!!” Shibutani screams, slamming his hand on the table between us. I'm not the only one surprised because the Shinobi duet jumps in unison at the awful sound the wooden furniture produces.

 

“Subaru... Relax. Ryo knows what he's doing. It's okay.”

 

For once, Yasuda's voice sounds reassuring, almost soothing and I'm grateful for the help.

 

“He must have seen or felt something. He's not the kind of dude to sacrifice himself. First, he wanted his guy safe, and that's...”

 

“Stupid.” Shibutani interrupts Maruyama's monologue.

 

“... And that's honorable. Sweet. Responsible.” The other concludes, obviously not impressed by his Boss's antics. “Anyway, if Ryochan wants us to be there, at the meeting point, there must be a reason. I trust him. Do you trust your little bro, Subaru?”

 

The Boss clicks his tongue and sits, rolling his eyes.

 

“Of course I do. But I fear for his life, as well. I raised that brat, Maru.”

 

“I know. And that brat chose Ohkura and chose to follow the other guy. Trust him.”

 

How come those unfathomable guys, the 'rippers' as the officer has called them, are so helpful? I'm seriously fond of their overall calm attitude. I guess gunmen are too close to fire to keep their cool when it's the most needed. Instead of instantly boiling, those samurais of our age are cold, precise, collected. I wonder how either of them would react if the other was in trouble. Or dying.

 

Not everyone can be as dramatic and passionate as my drama teacher.

 

“'Kay... I'll trust him. Not you, though...” Subaru says, cunningly looking at me. “Not yet, at least.”

 

There's always room for improvement, as they say.

 

“He said Thursday, nine pm.” I just answer, matter-of-factly.

 

“Alright. We'll bring our weapons then. All of them. This fucking Officer will dance at the sound of my guns.”

 

“Let's do that, yes.” Yasuda smiles, his hand leaving the shoulder of his companion, where it has been resting all the time, to pat my back. It feels weird but somehow comforting.

 

I wish Murakami-sama were here, with me, and we'd drink ourselves to sleep together, and I'd tell him how much I love Ryo and how much I'm afraid. He'd smile and tell me not to worry, because life isn't predictable, that we make our own fate in this world.

 

He'd tell me to man up and fight for what I deem right. He'd tell me that he'll have my back, anytime, anywhere. Because that's what Dads are made for.

 

****************  
  
The moon is full tonight, looming over the river and a dozen of abandoned warehouses that look like monstrous whale's carcasses. We've climbed on the roof of the most preserved one, at the end of their morbid raw. From here, we can see everything, helped by the full moon and a few public lights on the nearest streets, creating bars of light on the floor, filtered by the gloomy silhouettes of the buildings.

 

I'm searching for Ryo, my eyes are hurting but my hand is strong, holding my Glock like never before, ready to kill the one who's abducted him. About three buildings away, he's seated on a chair, his legs in the light, and his hands tied behind his back. His head is falling forward like he's unconscious and I'm seized by an immense fear suddenly. What if it's too late? I'm about to go down and run to him but Subaru grabs the sleeve of my jacket with a firm hand.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“... But... He's down there...”

 

“I've seen him, dumbass. There's nothing we can do right now. Don't run to him, it's exactly what they're waiting for. You'll be shot in less than five seconds and if we survive all this, Ryo will hate me. Don't think it's because I like you, but I know my brother, I don't want him to hold a grudge against me for the rest of our lives. Wait here.”

 

“What for?”

 

“Didn't Shingo teach you how to speak to the Boss?”

 

“You're not my boss.”

 

“You've got a point here. But if you move again before I order it, I'll have Maru cut your right hand. He'll do it.”

 

Maruyama unsheathes a few inches of his blade, and it shines under the full moon. He's not joking.

 

“I guess Ryo would prefer to keep you complete. God knows what you can do with your hands.” Subaru says shrugging. He's laughing a bit, as well. He's weird.

 

“Stop fooling around guys. There's movement.” Yasuda announces.

 

It's 9:02.

 

In fact a small group of people is walking towards Ryo, still unconscious, still at the mercy of anyone who'd decide to hurt him. They're going slowly, step by step, passing through the bars of light between the buildings like ghosts until they're within firing range of the man I love.

 

There are six men forming a circle around another one, quite tall, but not as tall as the Officer that has arranged the meeting. That person in the middle is wearing black from head to toes and his jet black hair is contrasting with his very pale skin, almost glowing in the moonlight.

I can't be mistaken... I know this silhouette, this appearance.

 

“It's Yokoyama.” I whisper, and they all look at me questioningly. “He knows Ryo. He's sworn to kill him. I must...”

 

“No. Stay put, for now. Just a little bit more.”

 

“What is he doing here?” Yasuda rightly asks.

 

“No idea.”

 

My ex-drama teacher walks by himself now, taking a few cautious steps in Ryo's direction. He's next to him in a few seconds and reaches for the semi-long bangs that are falling over my love's eyes. He's very delicate, soft even, when he brushes the hair back and checks on Ryo's face. In order to get a better view he crouches and looks up. He seems lost, surprised.

 

“We go there. Now.” Shibutani commands and soon we're all on the ground again, decidedly making our way towards the others, not even minding the noise we're making. They can hear us arrive, and Yokoyama looks even more confused.

 

“What are you doing here, Ohkura?” He shouts.

 

“How about you, fucker?” Shibutani retorts with a stunning voice. How come such a sound can come out of someone so small? It reminds me of how Ryo is so loud when... loud, so loud.

 

“I've been asked to come here. They said I'd find what I was looking for.” Yokoyama turns and shows Ryo's limp body with an elegant movement of his hand. “... And, in fact, I found this.”

 

“Don't touch him again! Never!” I growl. I'm just a few feet away and I swear that if he puts his hand on Ryo again, I'll kill him.

 

“Still as charming as ever, Ohkura-kun.”

 

“No joke, this one is a pain in the ass, we agree on that, at least.” That came from Shibutani and it has the merit of making them both laugh slightly. Those two could have been friends in another life, another universe. “Alright. Let's stop fucking around. We've been ordered to come here as well. My brother was taken by someone introducing himself as a cop. And now, here you are and it reminds me so much of the waste ground situation...”

 

“Yeah, I thought so, too. I mean... Who's sweet enough to bring me my prey on a plate, like, for free? There's something fishy in the air.”

 

“I say we should leave. I don't like this.”

 

“We leave, but I take him with me.” Yokoyama shows Ryo again. “As a guarantee that nothing will happen to me and my men tonight. I don't trust those katana wielders of yours.”

 

“No.”

 

“Sorry, Ohkura?”

 

“No.” I'm walking towards my ex-teacher, and for the first time I notice I'm taller than him, I'm larger as well and if I want it, I can crush him. “You're not taking him. He belongs to his family. Take me instead.”

 

“What? That's so stupid, Ohkura. Shingo has told me more than once that you were not the sharpest boy out there, but this is _so_ dumb. They don't care about you. They don't like you. The second we walk away together, they're slitting our throats open...”

 

There's a heavy silence and I hope that behind me, the other guys are ready to support my request. If not for me, for Ryo.

 

“My brother is seriously in love with that dummy. So he's family. I don't kill my family members, who do you think I am?”

 

Thank god. Thank god for Shibutani's perfectly timed intervention.

 

“That's what you say...”

 

“Yokoyama... Don't fall for it. Obviously, we've been tricked once again. That Officer wants us to fight to the death so he tries to create occasions for a slaughter. We're more clever than that, right? If I am to kill you one day, it will be by my own will, not because some fucker has made me do it.”

 

Yokoyama doubts but still thinks about it. In the dim light of the moon, I can see his eyes going from Ryo to me, hesitating on the right thing to do. I'm sure he's asking himself what Murakami-sama would decide in such a situation.

“Alright. I'm taking Ohkura with me. As a prisoner... Until we've sorted this all out. We'll contact you.”

 

I'm breathing again and run to Ryo, untying the ropes behind his back. He has red marks all around his wrists and limply falls into my arms. He's breathing, he's just asleep, unconscious. I hope he can hear me in the middle of his coma. So I whisper some words against his hair, on his temple, in the crook of his neck, everywhere my mouth can reach with joy before I'm dragged away by two of Yokoyama's henchmen.

 

Maruyama catches his friend's limp body before he completely falls to the ground and lifts him in his arms. I'm so jealous of him, I'm so torn, but I can't cry, my eyes remain dry as I'm forcefully pushed forward, to a waiting car.

 

_I love you. I'll always be here for you._

 

That's what I've murmured to Ryo and now I want to shout it, I want my voice to reach his sleeping heart.

 

I'm shoved into the car, in the backseats. Yokoyama sits next to me, looking more confused than ever.

 

“What am I even doing?” He whispers, looking through the window as the car surges forward.

 

There's a cracking, metallic sound as if a thunderstorm had suddenly disrupted the calm night. And it's the waste ground all over again. Bullets are piercing our car's panels and our driver's head explodes just in front of my eyes. Blood everywhere. Another man is shot and wails like a wounded animal.

 

It's the end.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so... Chapter 8 and 9 were written together. I didn't want to make you wait for too long after the weird cliffhanger at the end of last chapter, so here it is, Chapter 9, and it's a little longer. I hope you enjoy ;-)

 

The fury all around me is paralyzing. I should move, I know that if I don't, I'll be dead meat in no time. I throw a cautious glance to my right: Yokoyama has vanished. He's moved. He's apparently saved himself from this Chaos, and somehow, I hope so. I can't imagine how terrified, how devastated Murakami-sama would be if someone had to tell him that his lover died. Bullets keep whistling all around me, it's a miracle none of them has reached my body yet. It's like an eternity has passed and the blood of the driver is slowly spreading until it touches the sole of my shoes. The dying passenger keeps weeping. I can't stay here, it reeks of damaged bodies and suffering.

 

I'd rather die in the open, looking for Ryo, than crouched inside that metallic casket of a car like a weakling.

 

I throw my left shoulder against the door, which creaks but does not move. I'd like to reach the handle but it's very close to the window... What if...

 

 _Fuck_.

 

I raise when the wave of bullets has calmed down for a second and open the battered panel wide. I throw myself out and roll on the dusty ground, away from the car. Being an obvious target in the middle of a desert place is not ideal, but for some reason, I can't hear guns shooting anymore. I'm on my feet now and look around for the others. No one can be seen. I'm alone in the middle of the battleground.

 

There's a pool of blood about thirty meters from my position, shining in the dull light of the nearby street and it's exactly where Shibutani and the others were standing when it all started. My heart clenches. Maruyama can't have run that far with Ryo in his arms. They made the perfect target: slow, large and clumsy. I start running, I need to see, I need to know. I forget the danger and the threat that's still looming over me. I'm almost there – _the blood stain is tracing a path around the corner of the nearest warehouse_ – when a sudden wave of bullets mows me down. My legs give way and I fall to the ground, on my side. It hurts, something has touched me, pierced the skin over my ribs and I'm out of breath.

 

I feel my side with the tip of my fingers, it's wet and hot. _Fuck_. I can't die now, I can't go without knowing if Ryo has made it or not. There's another round of explosions, I squish my limbs up together, perfectly conscious I'm now the best target ever. But the person who's still shooting is not set on me. He's emptying his barrels on someone else, on the other side of that damn place.

 

I crawl with difficulty, my muscles are numb by being too contracted with fear and pain, but inch by inch, I'm taking myself away from the lights. It takes a superhuman effort but I'm gradually disappearing into the shadows, hidden from the snipper behind the metallic wall of one of the warehouses.

 

I manage to sit up and lean my painful body against the hard material. I enjoy the feeling of this freezing metal against my burning back, the cold worms itself in me and I feel better, I close my lids, it's comfortable.

 

Something within me is screaming, something that tells me to move, to go to Ryo.

 

But I'm slowly giving up, I can feel it. In my limbs, in my organs. We're all very tired in there, and this cold steel behind me is the best... feeling... ever.

 

****************  
  
 _Hands under my arms. Someone is dragging me away. My heels scrape the floor, I'm unconsciously making myself the heaviest I can._

 

_Why don't they let me sleep? I'm so tired._

 

_The hands are strong, so strong and they hurt me. My left side feels like it's torn a little more every time the person takes a step._

 

_I try to growl and show my displeasure but nothing comes out._

 

_I pass out again._

 

 _****************_  
  
The light hurts my eyes, it's too bright, the pain on my side is overwhelming and for a second it's like I'm burning in the flames of Hell.

 

There's someone with me, seated on a chair. A silhouette I'm aware of, in the middle of the blur the world is for me, right now. A man whose hand reaches for my shoulder, squeezing it tenderly. That touch is not unknown to me. I feel better, now that I know who's there, staying by my bedside.

 

“B... Boss...”

 

“Shhhh. Don't move, Son. It'll be painful. I'm here.”

 

“Where... Am...I?”

 

“At my country house, with me. You're a lucky one, really.”

 

“Ryo?...”

 

“I don't know about this one. Yoko has told me they've fled very fast... I guess they're hiding somewhere.”

 

“I have to go...” I say, trying to get up but a terrible pain tears my chest in two. I scream in spite of myself and fall back on the bed.

 

“I said don't move. You've been shot in the ribs. Luckily there's not much damage but it hurts like hell there.”

 

“How...?”

 

“Well, sounds like your drama teacher doesn't hate you, in the end. He's dragged you out of this mess. You're the only ones still alive. He's not even hurt. Talking about miracles...”

 

“How about you, Boss?” My mind is clearer and I can think coherently again. Yokoyama has saved my life, how odd does this sound? It's already super weird that he hasn't killed us all there, but coming back and risking his life to save my rebellious ass...

 

“I'm better. Way better. I can even walk. It sure caused a huge mess. I remembered, as well. The one who's attacked me... None of your little friends, no. A tall guy, strong. I remember I couldn't move at all once prisoner of his hands. And that smell, god, that smell...”

 

“What smell?”

 

“Strong, the fragrance of a plant, tobacco... A real stench.”

 

I close my eyes. All the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. That's why Ryo has let himself be taken by the Officer. He must have smelled that terrible clove fragrance Maru was talking about. He wanted to observe that guy from the inside of his headquarters, he has understood in a split second who he was dealing with and that we needed a spy to infiltrate the enemy.

 

The Officer has used him as a bait, he's used the Officer as an unwitting snitch.

 

If Ryo is alive, he knows.

 

**************  
  
I've been going back and forth between sleep and moments of consciousness for a while now. It hurts, still, but Murakami-sama is providing me with painkillers and smiles.

 

He hasn't said a thing about all the guys he knew, all the ones who served him and that I have coldly executed during those ten days of craziness. I'm thinking of them, more and more, every passing minute. Every time I close my eyes, I dream that I'm seated again in that black car, with the blood of the dead driver crawling up my legs, up to my thighs, and all those men I've killed come back from the dead to take me with them to Hell. To say that I feel guilty would be an understatement. They're haunting me.

 

Between two nightmares, as he's bringing me water, limping and frowning, I grab his sleeve and stop him.

 

“Boss... I... I must...”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I have to apologize. Will you forgive me for... All those guys of yours I've...”

 

“There's no point in asking for forgiveness, Ohkura. We're not in a schoolyard. You had to protect the one you love, you did what you had to.” He pauses. That's in that kind of moments he looks like the father I'd have loved to have. Understanding and fair. “I'm gonna tell you something, about me and Yoko... People, they're behaving like they don't know about us. Like it's a shame. But they know, and they once tried to take advantage. You never knew about that, I didn't want to involve you in all this, but when Yoko was still an actor and all the mafia knew that we lived together, one night, after his performance at the Globe, he was abducted. It turned out that my best buddy, the one I'd grown up with, had done it, only to subdue me. I took my guns, sent you and the other boys on something else and went where the one I love was kept. I killed every single of the guys who'd planned it. Without even shaking. My old friends? Dead. I've been merciless that night, and thank god, I've found him unscathed in one of the cells of their headquarters. When the person you love is in danger, Son, there are things you must do. I'm sad they're dead, all those men you've shot because they were soldiers of my army, but I'm also glad you're the one who survived. You had your reasons.”

 

I'm speechless. He's just told me something I'd completely missed about him and Yokoyama. He's still by my side, smiling.

 

“What is the purpose of your life, Ohkura? What makes your heart beat, right now?”

 

“The thought, that maybe, Ryo is still alive. And that I'll be able to feel his warm body against mine one day. That's all I want.”

 

“You will, Son. I swear you will.” His right hand reaches for the few messy bangs that are falling over my eyes and softly brush them away. “You're not the most clever boy out there, but you're definitely the most sincere and honest. I need people like you next to me. When all this will be over, and you'll have your Ryo by your side, please keep working with us.”

 

I nod, but all I can think about is that once Ryo and I will be reunited, we'll run away, far, very far from all that drama. I don't want to use a gun again. Ever.

 

****************  
  
Spring is finally here and the cold mornings are making room for warm and sunny afternoons. I'm walking again, with the help of Murakami-sama, and sometimes, Yokoyama. He's softened a lot recently, I guess the shooting had that traumatic effect on him that subdued all his rage at once. He's even reading some of Shakespeare most beautiful excerpts to me sometimes when we have a slow walk through the gardens. He tells me that he's been searching for Ryo and his brother for the last two weeks, without any success. We've lost a lot of our men and it's still very dangerous to go out.

 

At night I can't sleep. All I'm thinking about is Ryo being dead or slowly dying in some rathole unknown to me. It seems like Shibutani has several of them, given Murakami-sama's envoy has found the only one that I know abandoned.

 

Today, we're walking slower than usual with Murakami-sama, I'm delighted by the sun warming up my face and my trembling hands. The Boss has a smile I've rarely seen on him, a smile of satisfaction, as he leads me through the flowering trees of his beloved garden.

 

“Why are we going so far today?” I ask. My scar is starting to burn and I'm already out of breath.

 

“Mmm. If I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore...”

 

That's very weird, to say the least. Who would have believed Murakami-sama can look like a young boy plotting a prank with joy?

 

We're far, now in the huge garden, and surprise or not, I hurt all over, I'm about to tell him I need to go back to my bed.

 

We turn around the next row of dense bushes and there's someone there, seated on a bench, waiting for us.

 

Ryo.

 

It's like a dream. He's just sitting, his hands on his lap, his lids closed to savor the light of the sun that directly comes down on him.

 

He hears us and opens his eyes. He looks surprised, opens his mouth but no sound comes out, he remains agape, paralyzed. I'm the same, except I have no bench to support me and my legs are giving way, again.

 

I fall to the ground, in the lush grass.

 

“I'll give you two ten minutes, guys. I'll be... over there...” Murakami-sama says, gesturing towards the small pond at the very end of the garden. He's smiling hugely, visibly very proud of himself.

 

By the time he's disappeared behind the bushes, Ryo has found his legs again and runs to me, falling to the ground in turn to embrace me.

 

“Oh, god... Babe... I thought you were... All these days, I thought... you were dead...” He tells me, weeping. My arms are around him and I'm crying, my head in the crook of his neck. “What happened? Are you alright?”

 

“I... thought... Oh, Ryo... How about you?”

 

“I'm okay Tadayoshi, I'm okay, really.”

 

He kisses me languorously, finally, and I can't help but wince at the pain this sudden passion stirs in my chest.

 

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” He looks panicked as if he had broken me, as if he were at fault when, to me, he's the savior, the miracle of my life.

 

“No... I've been shot, that's all...” I say with what I hope is a reassuring smile.

 

It apparently does not work with him because he immediately lifts my t-shirt, looking for the wound and sees the large round scar on my ribs.

 

“What...?”

 

“A bullet. It pierced through me, no big damage though. It just hurts like hell...”

 

His fingers are touching around the scar, the awful bruise that was formed by the shock and that still is a deep shade of purple.

 

“Not so far from your heart. You almost...”

 

“But I did not, okay? I did not die. And you are still alive. And we're together. That's way more than I could have hoped for, five minutes ago.” We kiss again and it seems that despite all the passion and faith we put in that embrace, it's still not enough, it's too timid. Ryo's hands are on my hips, under the cotton shirt and they're fresh, soft, healing. He's brushing my thighs, the rest of my leg and goes up again, without restraint, settling his right hand on my crotch, firm and passionate.

 

“What are you doing?” I ask in a whisper.

 

“I need to _feel_ you. Whole.” He murmurs in my ear, and I think I could come right here, right now, in spite of the pain, the place, and the situation, just by hearing his beautiful voice so close.

 

Ryo moves his hand an intertwines his fingers with mine, slowly breaking our last kiss.

 

“I'm going to go back for today. Murakami... He's kinda cool but he said that I mustn't stay with you for too long. My brother and him, they've been negotiating for two days already. They want to join forces against our common enemy, this situation has lasted too long.”

 

“How are the others?”I finally ask. It's curious to me that I even care about them.

 

“Subaru is okay, Maru... Has been wounded while carrying me, apparently.”

 

Hence the blood on the floor, that I've seen before being shot.

 

“Yasu is by his side, it's...” Ryo tries to stifle a sob but I can see in his eyes all the distress he tries to contain. I kiss his forehead as tenderly as I can. “It's ugly. The bullet has lodged itself in his lung. Our doctor has come, he's found it but... Maru is not well. He's delirious, has the strongest fever... And Yasu, damn, he's turned mad. He does not talk, does not eat, just growls at me every time I'm trying to approach them. We need to find that fucker of an Officer. It's him, everything. I will take revenge on that guy, I will _crush_ him.”

 

And there goes my dream of a peaceful life with Ryo. In this wild desire for revenge that makes the man whom I love cry and shout his rage out.

 

“The ten minutes are over, guys,” Murakami-sama says, behind me.

 

Ryo helps me stand and we part, again, after a last fleeting kiss. He's leaving the gardens by the back door, looking at me until the very last second.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

We're forehead against forehead and I'm panting hard. Ryo's hand is still in my boxers, slowing down its frantic motion now that I've cried out my pleasure in the kiss he was giving me. We've been left alone for barely ten minutes, in my room at Murakami-sama's estate, the first ten minutes on our own, in private, since I'm completely healed and can hold my love in my arms without wincing in pain.

 

It's not much, this quickie in silence, with the lingering fear that someone will enter the room while we're at it but his satisfied smile when he sees the flush on my cheeks and the way he bites his lips when I come is everything. He kisses me again, fully, to make the pleasure last a little longer and lightly chuckles against my neck.

 

“It's been so long, right?” Ryo amusedly notes, taking a step back and looking at me with loving eyes.

 

“'Don't even know how many weeks... Damn.” I sigh, I feel good, so good I'm closing the distance between us again, leaving the wall that supported me until now. I'm dizzy, completely drunk on him but I still manage to take his tiny body in my arms and kiss his mouth for a long and passionate make out.

 

“I want you...” I whisper, trembling.

 

“Yeah, likewise...” He bites my earlobe, sucking playfully at the tiny earing he's given me as a token last week.

 

“Do you think we...”

 

There's a noise in the hallway, outside my door, steps approaching fast and decidedly. I sigh loudly in unison with him. We already know that our time is over.

 

Someone knocks softly at the door, opening it slightly. We're stepping apart from each other.

 

“Can I come in, guys?” It's Yokoyama, with the tiny voice he has adopted since the shooting.

 

“Yeah,” I say, straightening my clothes. Ryo provocatively returns against me, throwing his arms around my hips. He does that every time the time is over, every time Murakami-sama judges we've been together for too long.

 

“I'm sorry to interrupt, hm... Whatever you were doing... But he told me it was time.”

 

“You're blindly doing everything your master commands you, right, Yokoyama? You're being a very good dog...” Ryo says bitterly.

 

“Ryo... Please.” I whisper in his ear. It has become difficult for both of us, this weird situation. It's not that I'm a prisoner, not exactly. But Murakami-sama's not a fool. By keeping me by his side, he ensures himself Ryo's obedience, thus earning Shibutani's attention and quasi-submission.

 

“I know it's not the best. But Ohkura is still weak. You wouldn't want to see him faint or suffer any pain, would you?” Yokoyama bittersweetly adds.

 

Those two.

 

One day they'll jump at each other's throat if they both survive what's about to happen.

 

“Your brother is downstairs, though.” Our ex-teacher says, looking at his feet. “The Bosses are refining their plans...”

 

And he laughs. It's not a straightforward laugh, it's more like he fears what will come out of this meeting.

 

“Great. Let's go hear what they've got to tell us, then.” Ryo concludes, taking my hand and dragging me towards the hallway. As he walks by Yokoyama, their eyes meet, their deadly black orbs defying each other in silence. I'm the prize in their psychological war, Ryo wanting me for himself, Yokoyama wanting me for the master of his life.

 

How come such amazing people are fighting over someone so pointless like me?

 

“I love you. I'll never let them have you.” Ryo softly murmurs as we're walking down the very long corridor. He's answering my inner question with a few words as if he'd heard me and it makes my stomach flutter.

 

This whole thing has made me a softy, I fear.

 

****************  
  
We're walking into the meeting room together, hand in hand.

 

Eyes are turning to us, in a perfect ensemble as Yokoyama enters behind us and discreetly closes the door.

 

Murakami-sama and Shibutani are sitting around a large table, with papers and pictures spread before them. Behind Ryo's brother, Yasuda is standing, pale and skinny. The bags under his eyes are a deep shade of purple and he looks like he's about to faint any time. Ryo walks to him and reassuringly pats his friend's shoulder. Yasuda acknowledges the friendly presence with a small movement of his head and finally looks at me. There's no hate in his eyes, nothing but emptiness and pain. He gives me a look that says that he'd rather have seen me die than enduring the long, very long agony of his best half.

 

Maruyama is still between life and death, one foot in the grave, Ryo has told me.

 

_He can't speak anymore, he hasn't enough strength. And that's for the best because his screams were atrocious. He has refused that we bring him to a hospital, and Yasu stays true to what he has promised him, but it slowly devours him as well. I expect to find them both dead one morning. A knife right through the heart... He'll do it. I'm sure he'll end up doing it._

 

“So, are you finally going to tell us about your plans?” Ryo says loudly. He startles everyone, the room had frozen into a bunch of lifelike statues at our entrance.

 

Shibutani looks at Murakami-sama, and they both nod together.

 

“Alright. So this is our idea... We're going to lure that asshole out of his office. Ryo, when you were in their hands, you've heard things about who they are, what they want. They are a bunch of rogue cops who've had enough of our _playful_ activities. Their head, the guy who's attacked Shingo, has planned both the traps we've fallen into.” Shibutani takes a long breath. “His plans were to provoke a war between our clans so we'd self-destruct. The only thing he had not foreseen was that you both would... fall for each other, which strangely re-distributed the roles. And... lead to our current situation. We know who he is, what he wants, the only thing we need is to put our hands on that fucker.”

 

“And that's why” Murakami-sama continues, “we are going to send one of our guys out there, with the mission to spread a word... His mission is to tell every thug around that our clans are going to have a final fight, at a place we've decided. That we're going there to avenge our deads and end all this. Hopefully, he pays some of them for information and they'll snitch. He has to think we're still oblivious to him and his plans. He needs to think that it's working, that we're going to wipe each other's existence out of this planet.”

 

“And...?” I ask, more than concerned by what I already consider as a folly.

 

“He'll come, for sure.” Ryo retorts, smiling. I don't like the light in his eyes, he's already convinced he will be able to catch the Officer and avenge his friend. “He'll come and we'll make him pay for what he's done.”

 

“He won't come alone. He'll have men, guns. We're all going to die.” I try to argue. But they've already made their decision. It's too late.

 

“Sounds like you are a chicken, Ohkura.” Yasuda coldly states. His voice is loud, he's looking at me with a disgusted frown transforming his usually pretty face into a nightmarish threat.

 

“I'm not. I just don't see the point of throwing ourselves headfirst into his trap. We've already lost too many.”

 

“You've lost no one. Stop whining. Ryo's still alive. _My_ Maru is dying because he's saved the little Bro. Because you were incapable of protecting _your_ guy. _Fuck you_ , Ohkura. We're all going to go there, I'll catch that fucker and...”

 

“Enough, Yasu!!” Shibutani screams, hitting the table with his fist. “Enough.”

 

“Anyway, gentlemen, that's how it's gonna go. We all have a reason to kill that man, and we'll do it. But first, we need to attract him into our trap.” My Boss, who'd stayed silent all along Yasuda's rebellion, explains very softly. “No one is responsible for what has happened to Maruyama, except for the one we all wanna catch, okay?”

 

Ryo is looking at me with indecipherable eyes. He wants to be on my side, but he's also kind of surprised by my words. I shake my head and turn heels, I can't deal anymore with their madness and leave, slamming the door behind me.

 

****************  
  
I'm walking through the Boss's gardens, angry and sad.

 

I'm angry at myself for being such a weakling. I'm sad because I know, deep down, that we're all going to die if we keep thinking we're more clever than the Officer.

 

I hear muffled step noises behind me, and Ryo takes my hand, slowing down until he walks at the same pace as me.

 

“I'm sorry for what Yasu has said, Babe. He's... hurt. He's not himself anymore.”

 

“You don't have to be sorry. He's right, I may be a chicken, after all.”

 

It's almost dark. The sunset has a weird color tonight. Every tint of the sky is subdued like hidden behind a veil.

 

“You're not. You ran into the battle to find me, you killed all those Yokoyama guys when they threatened our lives, you confessed your love for me to Murakami. You're not weak.”

 

I stop walking and turn to face him.

 

“Ryo... I'm so tired. I don't want to seek revenge. I want to run away, with you. I want us to leave. To live, as well.”

 

“But... We can't.”

 

How foolish was I to think he would approve.

 

“We should, though. I don't want our story to only be those few months of passion and sufferings. I want us to flee so we can have a life together. It may sound weird but I want to go to the grocery store with you, I want us to buy a house, to walk our dog, to make love when we decide to, without fear nor urgency.”

 

“What are you saying? I can't leave my brother... Maru... How about Murakami? I thought you saw him as your father?”

 

“Sometimes, you have to cut the cord... Do you love me, Ryo?”

 

“Of course I do, are you mad? I'd give my life for you.”

 

“I'm not asking for your life. Just for your love. If you do love me, don't go. I already know that I'm not going to.”

 

Ryo stares at me, mouth agape. He does not understand. Gangster's blood is running through his veins, a blood that makes him think he's some kind of immortal hero with an innate sense of honor. His hand goes up to my cheek and caresses my face gently. I tenderly kiss his palm.

 

“I'm going to go, Tadayoshi. That's who I am. If you love me, you have to understand.”

 

“I understand, but I don't approve.”

 

“So... What will become of us?” His voice is shaking, he's already made his decision. A painful one.

 

“I don't know, I...”

 

He takes my face and kisses me with all the passion left in his veins. I hold his body against mine, he's warm, alive. I'm so afraid I won't be able to do that anymore.

 

When we part he looks at me straight in the eyes.

 

“You know where to find me if you ever changed your mind. If not, well... Whatever will be, will be...”

 

He walks away slowly. The cold and large moon looks at us. I'm cold and the shiver that runs through my body makes my scar burn.

 

I can't tell if I've lost him to his family or to my weakness.

 


	11. Chapter 11

He hasn't come. Nor the day before yesterday nor today. I'm waiting, but he does not come anymore.

 

What should I understand from this bold demonstration of how much he disagrees with me? Is it because he's afraid? Because he's already learnt how to live without me? Or because he knows he's going to die and wants to spare me?

 

We would have exchanged a kiss as the last contact.

 

That would sound exactly like something he'd think of.

 

I'm bored, I feel better, way better. I get out of breath when I walk too long but it does not hurt anymore, I'm ready to go out in the wild.

 

Murakami-sama knows. He smells something and has placed a guardian next to me. The only place that stupid guy does not follow me to is the restroom. Thankfully.

 

It's a given because the restroom has a small window, large enough for me to squeeze through and that window opens on a deserted corner of the garden, not that far from the walls.

 

I've understood that I'm indeed a prisoner when Yokoyama has told me that I was not allowed to call Ryo. He has said it with his custom lopsided smile, delighted by the tragedy-like turn of the events. He's changed, yes, but he remains an actor, no matter what, and can hide his true feelings pretty well.

 

The fake meeting to lure the Officer out of his precinct is scheduled to take place in two days, and I can't wait any longer. I have to find Ryo and convince him to escape with me.

 

If he refuses, if he prefers battle to me, well, I'd rather die than to see his body pierced by bullets and his blood drank by the dusty ground.

 

Yokoyama must have rubbed off on me. I'm thinking of death like Romeo who couldn't live without Juliet.

 

So when the night is dark and quiet, after dinner, when Murakami-sama and Yokoyama have left for their room, I ask my guardian for an excursion to the restroom. I've stolen a meat knife from the table and slid it in my sock. It hurts a little but I don't care. As soon as I'll be out of here, I'll take it in hand. He closes the door behind me and I'm alone. I have a few minutes to escape, timing is really short.

The knife bites through my ankle's skin as I'm lifting myself up, through the tiny window. My muscles hurt a bit from the lack of exercize and my ribs are screaming in pain, supporting my rather heavy body.

 

My head is out but it seems to me it has already been long, too long. My guardian must be already questioning himself on my lengthy stay in the restroom. As long as he does not smash the door open, I'm okay.

 

I hear a noise, his rough voice asking if I'm alright.

 

“Yeah... I'm doing okay. Just a lil'bit sick.” I answer, hoping he won't find my voice too weird. But nothing moves on the other side of the panel, I guess he does not really care if I'm good or not.

 

Now my shoulders are outside, and I've won, because they're definitely the largest part of my body. The air is fresh for a late spring evening but the moon shines, giving me the light needed to see where I'm landing. My feet touch the stony ground and I'm entirely gone from Murakami-sama's house. The walls are about ten feet from me and I almost run to them, jumping to grab the top. There's nothing there, just a few slippery black tiles that make it extra difficult to climb but after one or two minutes of effort and the timely help of an old well, I'm sitting on the edge. I feel exhausted but it's just the start. I take the knife that has started to cut deep into my flesh in hand and jump on the other side, finally free. I can hear weird sounds coming from the house, most likely my guardian who has understood a little late what I was doing. Well, too bad for him, I know that the Boss is not especially forgiving when one of his minions fails. I'm the only one he ever forgave.

 

Will he, again?

 

I turn one last time before taking a step towards the forest. I still have a long way to walk before I can find a station and a train to bring me back to Tokyo.

 

****************  
  
“And what exactly are you doing here?”

 

It's dawn and the pink light of the sky is piercing through the broken stained-glass windows of the abandoned church. I've come here because Ryo once told me they've been hiding under this ruined and gloomy building. Yasuda is seated on what could have been an altar, right under a Crucified Christ. His katana is shining in his hand, all pink and orange from the rising sun.

 

“I just wanna talk to him.”

 

I'm out of breath, I hurt all over. My sock is drenched in my ankle's cut blood but still, I'm standing in front of him, my tiny knife in hand, ready to fight for my life if it has to happen.

 

“You won't. He's finally ready to fight.”

 

“Who do you think you are, to decide what I'm allowed to do or not?” I growl. Ryo's not far and it makes me crazy, my blood is running faster through my veins.

 

“You know, I'm gonna tell you a story. About me, obviously, and the man I love.” His voice is so sweet when he says those last words. So sweet I'm almost instantly convinced he's harmless. When he's not, obviously, he's actually the most dangerous of the bunch. “When I met him, he was so pure, so bright. He was like fire while I was cold water. He made me boil with a smile, a crap joke, and a kiss. This luminous being is slowly going off, and the sun is not enough to warm my heart up. I'm returning to my cold watery state, slowly. I'm going to freeze when he'll definitely leave me so as long as I still have a bit of warmth in me, I want to use it to kill that scumbag who shot Maru.”

 

“And?... How does that concern me and Ryo?” I feel like I'm being harsher than I should, given the circumstances, but I can't let go. He's not letting Maruyama go, I'm not letting Ryo go, that's how love works.

 

“Ryo has sworn to help me. Maru is like his brother, they've been raised together. You're just stupidly butting in with your good looks and your stubbornness. You're nothing, don't be fooled, you're not part of the family.”

 

I want to slit his throat open, to make my way to Ryo through blood and tears but I know that my love wouldn't forgive me for that. If only I were to survive a duel against this blond elf armed with a deadly katana...

 

“If I were to get rid of the Officer before the meeting, what would happen?”

 

Why am I even saying things like this? I have no idea of how, even...

 

“You'd steal my revenge from me.” He's moving his blade around, making it sparkle with the stained glass reflections. “But I guess it'd be cool.”

 

“So come with me, let's end this folly together. Let's save the ones we care for.”

“I basically hate you, y'know, that's not very wise of you.”

 

“It appears I'm not the _sharpest boy out there_... I hate you too, don't worry. We have that in common, which is more than enough for what we have to do.”

 

“Ohkura Tadayoshi, you're a cunning brat.”

 

“Thank you,” I answer, smiling in spite of myself.

 

Yasuda is now on his feet, walking towards me. He's handing me the grip of a big gun that he was hiding behind him. I take it, surprised.

 

“Move. We have a lot to do.” He almost shouts, walking to the church's doors.

 

Ryo is somewhere, close, very close. But I can't see him yet. I have to do everything that is in my power to prevent the disaster. Next time he's in my arms, all this will be over, I swear.  
  
****************  
  
We've been going from bar to bar, from a gangster's lair to another, looking for the people who know about the Officer, and of course for the guys he may be working with. For the traitors or the ones we doubt, Yasuda is not very keen on forgiveness. Or rather his katana is not.

 

His bloodstained suit is already legendary in all the underworld's seedy bars by midday.

 

When we arrive, some guys are even going on their knees on their own, begging for mercy, saying that they've always been loyal to either one of our Bosses.

 

But after a dozen places raided, we are still clueless. No information could be gathered from the panicked men, except for this detail we already know about: the man smokes black cigarettes. His voice is altered, most of the time. He coughs, hard.

 

Nothing we can use against him.

 

“I guess we'll have to go to his precinct and meet the man himself.” Yasuda shrugs matter-of-factly.

 

“Why didn't we go from the start, then?”

 

“Is your gun burning your hand, Ohkura? We can't mess up. We needed information before going.”

 

“Well obviously, no one wants to speak up. So I say that we go.”

 

“You have some guts indeed. So what was that little show of yours at Murakami's? Why did you tell Ryo he had to stop fighting when yourself, right now, are ready to stick your head into the lion's mouth?”

 

He's right, I have trouble understanding my own behavior.

 

“I guess... I love him more than myself. Somehow I can't stand the idea of him getting hurt and me having to live without him, while... I'm okay to be the one who dies.”

 

“Geez, Ryo's gonna torture me to death if anything happens to you. He's told me exactly the same thing about you. You two are disgustingly sappy.” He frowns, mimicking disgust.

 

“...Says the one who wanted to tell me a story about fire and water, a story of kisses and great love...” I point out, a smile lingering on my lips. Ryo loves me. Still.

 

“Shut up, fucker.” Yasuda hisses. But in his eyes, there's finally a bit of respect, even the hint of an honest smile. “We're going to the precinct tonight, around ten, it's usually less crowded then. We might as well get some rest before.”

 

We're sitting in a small public park, surrounded by trees and flowers. The perfect place to take a nap.

 

How does he know so well about the busy hours of the precinct? Can I even trust him?

 

Yasuda is lying down on the grass, his katana hidden against his side. He looks harmless, really. Still, I've seen him cutting a few hands today. I have trouble deciding if he's my friend or my enemy. I lay down next to him and look up at the sky and the beautiful clouds moving slowly over us.

 

It can't be the last time I'll see such beauty. Tonight, we're going to solve everything.

 


End file.
